What do you get when you take a bunch of religious fundamentalists and take them on a tour of America while challenging their faith? Well, you get people even more determined to believe in silly bullshit while accusing everyone else of fabricating evidence of things they don’t understand. Worth a watch if you’ve got the 54 minutes of spare time to throw around.
Author Archives: Jacob Fortin
This is what you get for mixing religion and politics
One of the most aneurysm-inducing quotes of 2012 had to be faux-atheist S.E. Cupp’s comment that she would never vote for an atheist president. Believing she had a point by saying she couldn’t trust anyone who didn’t have God as a moral compass, what Cupp and her similarly minded ilk fail to realize, however, is that beliefs predicated on violent nonsense have the tendency to reflect Bronze Age barbarism. Man, I wish I had some kind of super sweet example to illustrate exactly what I’m trying to say…like a the Republican candidate for Arkansas who believes rebellious kids should be put to death.
The maintenance of civil order in society rests on the foundation of family discipline. Therefore, a child who disrespects his parents must be permanently removed from society in a way that gives an example to all other children of the importance of respect for parents. The death penalty for rebellioius[sic] children is not something to be taken lightly. The guidelines for administering the death penalty to rebellious children are given in Deut 21:18-21:
I always laugh whenever people act shocked that some of their fellow human beings can believe in such dangerous absurdities, since so many of them have based so much of their own lives on similar idiocies. It’s only when the true stakes of belief are in play that they realize, often too late, that religious faith tends to mask serious social dysfunctions and psychopathic behavior. With the Republican party so desperate for votes, they’re too chicken shit to call this guy out on his crazy ideas, and that’s the really terrifying part.
Pope’s butler gets 18 months in jail for leaked memos
So, what do you get for exposing the corruption of an organization like the Vatican? Well, how about an 18 month prison term handed down by the very institution you were trying to expose? Oh, and you can add the cost of the trial to the list of his expenses:
The pope’s former butler, Paolo Gabriele, was convicted Saturday of aggravated theft for leaking confidential papal documents and sentenced to 18 months in prison.
He was also ordered to pay the costs of the trial at the Vatican City courthouse.
Well, he could have spent a full three years in jail, but the judge felt there were ‘extenuating circumstances’. Like what, the fact that your organization is so corrupt it would rather jail tattle-tales than actual child rapists? Or how about the fact you aren’t legally your own state, having achieved ‘independence’ from Italian fascists in the 1920′s?
I suppose you could argue that it’s Paolo’s fault for getting involved in a creepy cult that seems to be able to create its own laws, jail its own adherents for daring to expose corruption, and do so as the rest of the world watches on.
Get ready for some free energy!
When I was a teen, I bought into the bullshit that is Qi (sometimes spelled ‘chi’). I couldn’t help it: if you’ve ever watched the Shaolin Monks do their thing, you might understand why I thought their impressive physical feats were only made possible because of some superhuman element. Fueled by the mythology of comic book heroes, I desperately wanted it to be true (which I was to later learn is the first and most important reason to doubt any dubious claim). I wanted ‘super-powers’ to be a real, so that if any harm ever came to me, I thought perhaps I would simply learn their ‘tricks’ and I would be immune from the dangers of the world.
Like most childhood fantasies, they eventually crumbled under the full weight of rude criticisms, and I came to understand Qi as a method for ancient ignoramuses to differentiate living things from non-living things. In a sense, Qi was a magical invention that could supposedly account for life, and like all nonsense, over time it grew into an increasingly complex form of bullshit. Fast forward to today, where the evolution of Qi continues.
You can join this free distant energy healing session by using your intention to be included. If you wish to join, just close your eyes for a minute when you read this and mentally say that you intend to join the session and want to be included. That is all you have to do to connect with the energy and you don’t have to do anything else. Healing energy can begin to flow to you once you do this as many people who have done this before have reported.
How does it all work, you ask?
Many spiritual traditions teach that we are all connected and now some Quantum Physicists are saying the same thing.
Ah yes, the “We are all connected” trope that hippy weirdos love to throw around like it means something it doesn’t. Sure, it’s amazing that there is no functional differences between the atoms which make up a rock and the ones that make up my body, except perhaps I like mine better. This doesn’t mean, however, that the rock and I share a special connection. If someone threw it at my head, that ‘connection’ might not really be that great for my prolonged existence.
This annoying idea that ‘energy’ heals ignores the fact that most forms of energy in the universe produce violent reactions that forge new elements, turn regular matter into super hot gases, or blast unsuspecting, cooling balls of rock with deadly radiation. I doubt anyone is basking in the oneness of the universe when they get hit by a gamma ray burst, but I digress.
So, who is up for sending ‘positive’ vibes by sitting in your kitchen and having wishful thinking be your guide to reality? Not this fucking guy, I can tell you.
Mother kills infant by stuffing Bible verses in her mouth
And the mother of the year award goes to…
Christian fundamentalist Julia Lovemore, 41, killed daughter Faith by stuffing her mouth with paper then dousing her in white spirit and jumping up and down on her body.
She also poured wine all over her young daughter as well, before her husband finally showed up at the hospital with her dead baby in hand.
So, were there any signs that she was going to do something terrifying? You bet your sweet ass there were.
Lovemore’s aunt had reported her to authorities after becoming concerned over her ‘religious fervor’, saying she had distanced herself from her family, branding them ‘heathens’.
What can you do in a society that gives religion a free pass? The British press wants to blame the National Health Service for having failed to anticipate this woman’s actions, especially in light of the fact that she had already tried to kill her first child three years prior with a pillow.
I argue that it must have been difficult for them to properly diagnose her obvious mental illness for fear of interfering with her religious beliefs. How can one differentiate mental illness from religious piety? You can’t, really. The two have almost the exact same symptoms. I wouldn’t be surprised, in fact, if a large percentage of fundies have some sort of untreated mental illness. So long as religion continues to mask serious mental health problems, these kinds of tragedies will continue to be fairly routine.
Rob Schneider is a dangerous moron
Have you ever stopped and considered just how stupid we are as a species sometimes? If we aren’t relentlessly polluting our own inescapable environment, we’re putting our lives at risk by failing to take antibiotics properly, or not bothering to vaccinate our children out of some stupid notion that this life saving invention causes completely unrelated disorders. Part of the reason we’re as dumb as we are is because we allow famous people – who are otherwise completely ignorant of reality – to dictate how we should live our lives.
The most recent addition to this dangerous new group of celebrities who talk about shit they have no knowledge of is Rob Schneider. You might remember him as Adam Sandler’s unfunny lapdog, whose famous catchphrase “You can do it”, obviously never referred to getting yourself an education.
by far the most insidious of all Government intrusions is the one happening right now in America by Big Pharma in their collusion with our representatives in Government. Government coercion to force parents to make their children take any invasive medical procedures (vaccination of their children) is something out of an Orwellian nightmare or Nazi Germany. Just remove the word vaccine and replace it with an other medical procedure and you will begin to see how regressive and criminal this is.
You know what should be criminal? Giving medical advice to people when you don’t know the first thing about medicine. Trying to paint such a vital public health issue as some freedom violating, Big Brother tactic, shows you need to actually do your homework: since morons like Schneider and McCarthy keep encouraging other idiots not to vaccinate their children, Measles and Rubella, diseases that were previously under control, are making a huge comeback, and putting the lives of children and adults in real danger.
Vaccines, unlike any other drug, is a one size fits all nightmare. The Vaccine makers insist ALL VACCINES MUST BE TAKEN BY EVERY ONE IN THE SCHEDULE THAT WE DECIDE! Name one other drug that is given such impunity. Every person is different and their precious immune systems don’t react the same way. 49 doses of 14 different Vaccines before the age of 6 is mandated by Doctor convenience and Big Pharma profits not patient wellness or sound scientific reasoning.
While it’s true everyone’s immune system doesn’t work exactly the same way, it’s similar enough that a rubella vaccine will work on just about everybody. The reason it’s on a schedule is to ensure the vaccine actually works: since children are given a weakened or dead form of the virus, the body’s immune system doesn’t always kick in. Multiple shots are the norm to ensure a higher probability of immunization. As for the scheduling of these shots, they tend to coincide with the level of social interaction the child is engaged in. So, if a kid is about to go to primary school, it’s pretty vital that he/she be properly immunized, otherwise they could put other lives in danger.
Schneider thinks he’s fighting for people’s freedom, but all he’s doing is helping to ensure these treatable illnesses spread to individuals who don’t benefit from a strong immune system. If someone could put a fucking muzzle on this little Chihuahua, you’d be doing this world a giant favor.
Islam’s outrage industry causes more destruction
With the glory days of Islamic enlightenment a long and distant memory, the only thing it seems this religion can muster is violent outrage these days. If it isn’t a piece of shit Imam claiming that all freethinkers should be prosecuted and jailed, it’s a bunch of religious thugs stirring up violence in order to remove any rivals. In Bangladesh, a country of some roughly 140 million Muslims, the outrage caused by the non-movie The Innocence of Muslims has given people an excuse to act out their violent opposition to other religious faiths. They’ve traded hurt feelings for burnt temples, as thugs set fire to 40 Buddhist temples, injuring 20 people (though luckily it appears that no one was killed). All they needed was the accusation of a Buddhist child having desecrated a Qur’an for the violence to erupt. It really is that easy to get them riled up.
Of course, it’s irrelevant the accusation turned out to be complete garbage: the fact remains their religious insecurities and insanity are a potent enough combination that one only needs to create a spark for this pile of rubber tires soaked in gasoline to be set ablaze. And rather like this noxious combustion, Islam seems poised to continue this campaign of terror, all under the false pretense of ‘hurt feelings’.
As some of you might remember back in 2006 with the Dutch cartoon controversy, the images of Muhammad had been out for some time before violence erupted. It was only when a few influential mullahs got their hands on them that the problems really began. And just like that situation was merely an opportunity for certain individuals to gain more power (and for others to gain an early ticket to oblivion), so too will the outrage industry of Islam continue to oppress other minorities, masking their systematic attack on other faiths as expressions of humiliation or marginalization. It’s time to see through this deception, and hold the people who exploit the insanity of this fucking religion accountable.
“Jesus Rifles” still in circulation
Back in 2010, the American Army got busted for having rifle sites with Bible verses engraved on the side. The company responsible, Trijicon, got in enough shit that they promised to not only remove the offending verses, but also replace the scopes to avoid the appearance that the Army was some kind of invading Christian aggressor.
Well, it’s been over 2 years, and these fucking things are still in circulation. The Army claims it’s made good progress in having the verses removed, but from the reports of actual soldiers in the group, it looks like no action has actually taken place. This is a fairly low priority for the Army, and considering the company has been doing this for 20 years, there’s every chance that the initial effort was simply a PR move by the Army to get everyone off their backs and they proceeded to return business as usual when the news cycle had died down.
You can’t even get the fucking Army to respect the separation of church and state. Kind of gives you an idea of the uphill battle we have to fight, doesn’t it?
Churches double down on political involvement
As election day approaches, religious institutions are taking advantage of the uncertainty and religious resurgence to attempt to undo a law prohibiting them from participating in the political process. Now, we all know the IRS is a toothless organization when it comes to this issue: only once have they ever bothered to enforce this law, despite blatant violations (such as when the Mormon Church spent 30 million dollars trying to ban gay marriage).
Confident in the current political climate that no administration would dare take them on, a group of roughly 1000 pastors and religious leaders are gathering to endorse Mitt Romney (which isn’t stated but using my amazing detective skills, I decoded their intent).
The Conservative group “Alliance Defending Freedom” has scheduled what they are calling “Pulpit Freedom Sunday” for October 7th, when church leaders across America will devote their sermons to the election and campaign on behalf of a political candidate.
Nice try attempting to make this whole affair seem bipartisan. With Obama playing extra nice to religious groups not to appear anti-religious, you have to wonder if there is anyone with enough guts and interest in maintaining their Republic who will take these guys on. This shit is so blatant, they’re even planning on baiting the IRS with videos of themselves violating this law. Their hope is this will cause a political quagmire that can be exploited by conservative media and allow them even more power in the political process. Parker Louis can’t lose.
Feeling depressed yet?
Did this mythological character really have a wife?
I dislike religious historians. I can’t for the life of me fathom how any of these men and women can take their profession seriously when they have so much invested in their beliefs. Who among them is willing to question the historicity of their own God? Even if they are, can we trust the blinders of faith won’t simply make it impossible for them to be objective?
For an example of what I’m talking about, take this recent finding from Harvard professor Karen L. King: she claims to have found a 4th century note from Coptic (Egyptian) Christians that make mention of Jesus having a wife. There’s yet to be any actual testing on the piece of papyrus, but already King and her team are convinced of its authenticity.
Even if it did originate from that time period, so what? This is yet another example of third, fourth accounts being taken as fact. If you’ve ever spent 5 minutes analyzing human behavior, you quickly realize most of us aren’t really interested in facts or truth. We’re all too busy trying to make the world fit into OUR vision, and that means the inconvenience of reality often means it’s entirely left out of our conversations. I don’t see much scholarly debate over whether or not Amon Ra had a wife, and he too came to Earth to help the poor and oppressed. There’s a trend to all legends, you see, and the fact that people try to inject this Jesus guy into real history only proves how poor their scholarship actually is.
What I find frustrating in all of this is even people skeptical of this new ‘finding’ fail to apply the same level of skepticism to everything else. Take a quote from this Christian who seems entirely confused abut what ‘attested historical figure’ actually means:
Jesus may be one of the best attested figures in the ancient world, but we still know hardly anything about him. And because he is the key figure in the largest religion in the world, we are keen to fill in the blanks…
The truth of the matter is that we don’t know what Jesus looked like. We don’t know where he was or what he was doing when he turned 18. And we don’t know if he was ever married or divorced.
What he looked like or if he had a wife is only the tip of this ignorance iceberg. When was this supposed messiah born? When did people start writing about him? Does it not seem suspicious to these folks that even many early Christians believed he was simply an allegory? The author admits there were plenty of religious frauds all too happy to fabricate evidence. Why is it so difficult to think the same is true for his historicity?
How many more times do we have to read dubious articles about finding Jesus’ tomb or some supposed piece of his actual cross. You might as well claim you found Hercules’ resting place as far as I’m concerned.
Evolution is a lie because dogs have never been on the moon
Truly there is no greater comedic bastion than Facebook. It’s the only place you can find such a high concentration of crazy outside of the Phelps compound. The combination of free expression and ignorance is a constant reminder that as a species, we still have a long way to go. Every once in a while, someone crafts an argument so brilliant, you just have to stand back in awe at the inspired mind that came up with it. This is not one of those:
Here we go. God created humans. God created angels to look after humans (guardian angels). Lucifer and many other didn’t want to look after that was inferior to them. They revolted, they fell. Today we call them demons. They have many forms and manifestations, including us. (We were made in God’s image. Hence He already knew He has to build a vessel in which He could put His soul into, Yeshua.) So you have these spirits, Lucifer and his crew influencing all kinds of events. Wars, murders, ect [sic] . Mind you humans are actually the one [sic] who do they [sic] work. They carry out the plan.
Why does Satan sound more like Danny Ocean? Idiots, can’t you see all of the evidence of God’s creation all around you already? Sure, giving God credit means you have to ignore all of the really unpleasant shit that incorporates nature (like parasites and viruses), but these were probably a product of gay marriage anyway (if they can cause a flood, surely they can cause all kinds of other disasters). And who is behind all of this confusion? Why, it’s Satan of course!
How many times have you done something because someone mentioned it to you. Doesn’t have to be anything bad per se, could be “Hey I like cheeseburgers. Wow I’ve never tasted those before that’s good!” Now Lucifer’s (Satan’s) plan is to convince people there is no God, that he himself doesn’t exist, and then when you die, you simply die. Everything God does, Satan does the complete opposite.
Shit, I’m confused. If he does the opposite of God, does that mean he tried to save all of those innocent Jews that God arbitrarily kills for not obeying his commands? If he’s such a thorn in God’s side, why isn’t Hell just a sweet alternative to Heaven? Playing dungeon keeper sure makes him seem more like a minion than a supreme lord of darkness, doesn’t it? Also, I want to eat a cheeseburger right now.
There are some false sciences being taught every day. Like evolution. The biggest lie ever told. There is no proof of it existing ANYWHERE. Proof of God? I’m glad you asked. It’s everywhere, just look animals, plants, HUMANS, by saying that we are a product of evolution is a) Blasphemy, b) you’re not giving yourself and intelligence enough credit. you ever see a dog make it to the moon? Oh by the way, your ancestor was a rock….Friends! I know I’ve been bold before, no ones[sic] perfect.
Dogs can’t go to the moon, therefore evolution is a lie. Take that, science!
But the message is simply this: if we continue to live the lives we’re living we will not be able to be born after we die here on Earth understand? We don’t get the keys to Heaven. Which is unlike anybody has any idea about. Unexplainable [sic]. Only two places, Heaven and Hell, both very real places. They will be just as physical! Hell simply is the furthest place from God, complete seperation [sic]. That heart breaking feeling after a break-up….It’ll be like that times 100, maybe worse. So here’s the point of this statement. It can clearly be found in the book of John, chapter 3 verse 16. Go look it up if you don’t know it!
That’s the “God so loved the world that he sent his son to have a really bad weekend for all of our sins” one that football fans are so proud of. Never mind how morally repulsive it is to think that a loving God solves all of his problems by killing something innocent; it’s not really a very impressive ‘sacrifice’ if the thing you kill doesn’t stay dead. This hell idea, the supposed place furthest away from this malevolent deity, is starting to sound more and more attractive, isn’t it?
CHRIST to OUR place on the cross. He said I’ll get us out of here and save us all. Without his resurrection, we’d be wasting our time. But he died AND came back. So, that alone makes it worth living and dying for him. Jesus loves you, no excuses.
Jesus loves you, but his Dad thinks you’re a gigantic piece of shit that deserves to be crucified for the things your imaginary ancestor did. What a swell guy! Can’t you feel his suffocating love surrounding you like a thick smog of poisonous gas?
Dr. Pepper ad upsets Christians
My friends and loved ones will testify to my undying love of Dr. Pepper. I like the taste, I like the logo, and for a while, I even had a Dr. Pepper background on my x-box. You could say I was a little obsessed with the drink, to say the least.
Now I’m officially in love, considering the fact that the company’s new ad – featuring a monkey evolving into a man after having found a can of Dr. Pepper – has upset fundamentalist Christians every time someone doesn’t credit Jesus for everything in the Universe. The Facebook post is still generating discussion, with comments sitting somewhere in excess of 3k.
Much of the early discussion was dominated by a Christian troll by the name of Amy, who was filled with powerful gems of insight:
so all you people seem to think that moon has a gravity… have you been there, didn’t think so. just like your other theories. you were a human when you were born and you are still a human. Monkies [sic] stay monkies [sic] humans stay humans. evolution is same if I claimed that an apple will in time turn in to a pineapple, but in fact it will just rot. think about that
If anyone didn’t get it before, i will never again drink dr. pepper. in fact i will go shoplift some and pour it on the ground, take that atheists. i did like it before but this is just wrong. the children will grow up to be stupid if they’re surrounded by this kind of media.
You’ll be happy to know the vast majority of the comments are actually making fun of these idiots and their inability to grasp reality. The Internet is, after all, dominated by Godless heathens like yourself. So, if you’re looking for a laugh, go read some of these comments yourself.
Did I mention this Amy chick also has a crazy website I’ll be making fun of in my next post?
Who wants to make 8k in gold bullion from this moron?
There’s a part of me (a small one, I assure you) that admires the conviction of creationists. They, at least, are honest about the fact that the science of evolution is a pretty huge slap in the face to the notion of a creator God. Not only does it completely invalidate their silly mythology, it also clearly indicates that human beings are a product of descent with modification, and not some special creation of a sky daddy.
Of course, my ‘admiration’ quickly fades when I’m forced to listen to their inane, pathetic arguments. Most fall in the category of “evolution is bad science” or “just a theory”, with proponents convinced that every single scientist is really just another faithful idiot like themselves. There’s rarely any attempt to actually argue the evidence, since none of these clowns actually understand any of it.
This presents a problem for creationists bent on removing evolution from science classrooms. Enter Tom Ridder, a former high school chemistry teacher who gained some notoriety a few months back when he sued the Blue Mountain School District in Pennsylvania for teaching evolution, which he argued amounted to teaching atheism, which this idiot thinks is a religion.
You see evolution is bad science. It proposes that sexual species can evolve and that the human brain evolved from lower forms. Neither has been shown to be even possible, no one was there to see this “evolution” even if this did happen, and the fossil record is no help. Therefore the only objective approach to evolution is to say, “Maybe; maybe not. I do not actually know”.
Maybe in the 19th century – when Evolution was still finding its legs – could you claim with any scientific credibility that we “did not know”. But with the discovery of millions of fossils, DNA, and the various other sciences which all converge together, the weight of the evidence for evolution is so great you’d have to be a complete ignoramus to claim that we still “do not know”. Speaking of ignoramus…
But most evolutionists do not say this. To the contrary they declare that evolution is a fact. Some science! They say this because they cannot fathom a Creator had a hand. And no Creator means there can be no God. Thus most evolutionists are Atheists.
Only a man blinded by his religion could say something this dumb. Sure, most scientists who study evolution will admit to irreligiosity, but this is actually a consequence of their field of study. The notion of a creator God (especially one who supposedly cares about us) evaporates rather rapidly when you study infectious diseases and parasites.
So what is this guy’s deal, exactly?
To prove this claim [that atheism is a religion], I challenge anyone in the continental USA who teaches middle school science or above, anyone running for state or federal office, or anyone who is big in the evolution community to debate the following:
Evolution is Bad Science. I, of course, will defend the affirmative.
Additionally, this debate is to take place before a jury of previously undecided people and each debater is to place five (5) ounces of pure gold in escrow, the winner, as determined by the jury, to take the pot.
Who exactly is supposed to make up this jury? Also, since when do ‘juries’ decide whether or not something is true in science? I think this guy just wants to play the odds. In America, less than half of the population believes in evolution (and roughly 10 percent also think the sun revolves around the earth). With odds this good, it plays to bank on the ignorance of your fellow Americans.
So, who wants to take this moron up on his offer?
Invisible Sky Daddy is the platform
“According to our Forefathers, God is the platform”
Yeah, so much so that they wrote an amendment specifically mentioning the fact that the government was not in the business of endorsing any religion, or forcing someone to pass a religious test to enter office. It was also the first fucking thing they wrote, but I’m sure a failed TV actor has a much better understanding of how they felt than historians, or the Founding Fathers themselves. So when James Madison said
“Ecclesiastical establishments tend to great ignorance and corruption, all of which facilitate the execution of mischievous projects”.
What he really meant to say was:
” Jesus is Lord, and can we please put him on the ballot or something”.
Man, making up facts is fun! I don’t even need to put references to my material, since that’s just east-coast elitist claptrap.
You’re right about one thing, Kirk. The Founding Fathers would be appalled, just not for the reasons you think.
God’s greatest gift…an empty box
Can you imagine hiring these lamers for your kid’s birthday party? I’m not sure they realize this, but tantalizing kids with the prospect of puppies, ice cream or sports memorabilia, only to show them an empty box that turns into a cross is the mother of all lame finales. “Look kids, the greatest gift God has ever given us is invisible!”.