Are you having trouble evangelizing to people who seem to know more about the Bible than you do? Don’t worry, child actor Kirk Cameron has the solution for you. He’s re-posted an old article from his master entitled “How to Witness to a Closed-Minded Person“. As you may have guessed, it’s about as compelling as an episode of The View. Here’s his advice for how to talk to people who think God and his magical play-land are bogus as shit:

I simply say, “I know that you don’t believe in those things, but if Heaven does exist, will you make it in — are you a good person?” The word “if” is the key that will unlock the door. I deliberately emphasize it as I say it, because it’s non-threatening.

“If God was to judge you by the Ten Commandments on Judgment Day, would you be innocent or guilty?” What he is hearing isn’t exactly what he wants to hear, but the accusations of guilt aren’t coming from without. They are coming from within his own heart, and that has the effect of stopping his mouth of justification, and helping him see that he has sinned against God.

I love how Christians think the 10 Commandments are some kind of incredible moral achievement. There really are only two laws that make any sense to us today – the provisions not to steal and not to murder – but even these two so-called laws have exceptions: if someone is trying to kill you, we have no objections to lethal force, nor do we have a huge problem with starving people occasionally stealing a loaf of bread. See, our legal framework, which we’ve spent decades refining, wasn’t written by some asshole on a mountain. So, failing to properly obey the Sabbath, coveting your neighbor’s possessions, or saying an offhand “Jesus Christ!” isn’t even on our fucking radar in terms of immorality, nor should it be. I don’t recall the Commandments speaking against rape, torture, genocide, infanticide, sectarian conflict, or even forcibly taking the property of others. In fact, all of these behaviors are actually ENDORSED by the Bible!

We live among a hedonistic generation that drinks iniquity like water. Nothing else matters except quenching the thirst for sex, porn, parties and pleasure. As the Scriptures say, “God is not in their thoughts.” However, a biblical presentation of the gospel injects God into his thoughts and makes him think seriously about his own eternal salvation.

We live in such a hedonistic time that selfish little god-haters are spending their time trying to improve the world and make it less ignorant. Your Biblical God, the same genocidal maniac who commanded his chosen people to smash little babies against rocks, is most definitely NOT in our thoughts, and there’s nothing in your little book of fairy tales that even comes close to making salient points about morality in these modern times.

Now if you were expecting any other arguments from this failed actor, I’m sorry to disappoint: it seems the only trick Ray has learned is to try and make people feel like guilty pieces of shit before offering them the olive branch of his little provincial deity, who fears ‘salvation’ for unquestioning belief, and eternal damnation for healthy doubt. What a swell guy! Tell me again how this megalomaniacal, murderous God loves me. I just can’t hear enough.