Author Archives: Jacob Fortin

The 9 countries you want to live in

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Since numerous studies have found a number of industrialized nations have a steadily declining rate of religious affiliation, a team at the University of Arizona made a model predicting the rate in which 9 countries will effectively have no more religion.

The team took census data stretching back as far as a century from countries in which the census queried religious affiliation: Australia, Austria, Canada, the Czech Republic, Finland, Ireland, the Netherlands, New Zealand and Switzerland.

If you happen to live in one of these Oasis of reason, you’re in luck. If not, then I suggest you find a way to get the fuck out of your backwards, moronic country as soon as you possibly can.

Hilariously enough, it seems as though the Canadian government doesn’t want anyone to know just how irreligious the nation is. Prime Minister Stephen Harper, himself a religious idiot, has changed the census form to no longer include the question of religiosity. The idea is to skew the data in favor of religion, since the “long form” will only be sent to a disproportionately small proportion of the population. If you happen to be one of those who receives it, it becomes even more important for you to fill it out correctly!

Congress wants to add “In God we Trust” in Public Schools

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With no more problems plaguing America, politicians have decided that making the motto “In God We Trust” emblazoned in every public school is the best use of their time. Forget about trying to stem the tide of ignorance and the degradation of their educational system: everything will be fixed once we please this creator God by telling him we trust him.

The agenda for the House of Representatives contains a bill, recently reported out of the Judiciary Committee, that asks our elected officials to reaffirm “In God We Trust” as our national motto. News reports indicate the bill’s supporters appear particularly keen on having public school classrooms display the motto, so that children can spend their days gazing upon it.

Never mind the phrase is an obvious violation of the Establishment Clause; it seems as though no one gives a shit about that anymore. Legislators must see the writing on the wall. As religion begins to lose its foothold on society, desperate religionists will do everything they can to prop up their given belief system. While Texas is busy trying to pass a bill to make it illegal to discriminate against creationist idiots, you can expect more of this kind of theocratic legislation to rear its hideous head.

If you need more proof your government is at the service of God-pimps, I suggest you get your fucking head out of the sand.

Vatican “punishes” child rapist by barring him from saying mass

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If I was a pedophile, I’d make sure to seek employment from the Vatican. I mean, how many institutions react to you raping a child with such leniency? Even when you get caught with your pants down, the worst you can expect is a slap on the wrist and a nice vacation in their pathetic “rehabilitation” centers (which is nothing more than a glorified retreat).

Take Father Fons Eppink, a Dutch bishop who served in Kenya for instance. When he was discovered in 2009 to have raped a young Kenyan boy, he was barred from saying Mass in public for 18 months, and the Vatican conveniently failed to notify any authorities of any crime. Case closed, right?

Apparently, it’s still possible for Eppink to be charged for the crime in the Netherlands, so long as charges are actually laid down. Since the Vatican knows exactly what crimes were committed and how, this is the perfect opportunity for them to show their “commitment” to prosecuting offenders. How much do you want to bet they actually protect this fucking scumbag instead?

Neil Tyson on how Islam destroyed progress

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Religions claim not to be the enemy of science, but the history of all faiths is a testimony to just how antithetical they are to progress. Neil, school these religionists please!

Faith in UK is eroding

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Some of you might recall the recent campaign in the UK encouraging people to mark “non-religious” on census surveys, and while the effort had positive results, there are still Britons who check-mark the religion they were born into.

Cognizant of that fact, a recent survey conducted by the British Humanist Association asked respondents two different questions designed to identify the percentage of people who still chose to incorrectly answer this question by including another one asking them if they were religious or not. The results were enlightening to say the least:

While 61% of the poll’s respondents said they did belong to a religion, 65% of those surveyed answered “no” to the further question: “Are you religious?

Among respondents who identified themselves as Christian, fewer than half said they believed Jesus Christ was a real person who died, came back to life and was the son of God.

The survey seems to indicate individuals are still identifying themselves with the religions of their parents, presumably because they’re reticent to accept the label of atheist.

Hey Britons, it’s time you fucking stopped pretending to be religious, and stop filling in your surveys incorrectly! If you don’t believe in a personal savior, then stop saying you’re a Christian. Trust me, the real ones think you’ll burn in hell anyways; why give them the satisfaction of thinking they are the majority?

Please stop asking me to “tone down” the language

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I got another email today from a new fan of the show who felt that my use of language was preventing him from being able to tell friends about it, and that I would be better off not swearing at all:

I think it’s a pretty cool serving for young and or less discerning people but if I can make a suggestion, if you slow down on talking speed (this will allow you to choose your words more carefully) and the swearing (I have wanted to introduce your podcast to some friends but had to be careful about who as it contains bad language. It’s difficult enough to convince religious opponents without still attacking their idea of moral language

That’s EXACTLY the reason why I swear. The whole idea of “moral language” is just Victorian era bullshit that I have no time for. That’s why I’ve let Stephen Fry make the case for me. I will never stop swearing, and there’s nothing anyone can say that will convince me of it. You might as well make me shave my eyebrows off so they stop scaring little children!

I don’t have enough brains to be an atheist

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Where do I start with this ass clown? I feel like he’s trying to sell me a used car or something. Let’s quickly examine his claims, shall we?

1. Does Truth Exist?
I think you’ll find this is a loaded question when it comes to religion. For them, truth means only their specific beliefs are true, rather than admit an objective truth outside their schema is possible. This would involve the possibility of believers being wrong, and they just can’t accept that.

2. Does God exist?
Apparently they use 2 scientific arguments to “prove” there’s an all powerful loving God that created the Universe. How many of you are willing to bet it’s just more pointless “anthropic principle” shit they think they understand?

3. Are Miracles Possible?
This is where these clowns try and pretend there’s scientific evidence that Jesus was resurrected from the dead, and is therefore your Lord and master. Yeah, can’t wait to be blown away by this fucking science…

4. Is the New Testament true?
That’s your final question? Christians are hilarious sometimes, don’t you think? They want so desperately to have proof of their provincial, entirely unimpressive God. You have to love his slippery slope line of thinking: if I can prove truth exists, God exists, and miracles are possible, it must mean the NT is true! Actually, no it doesn’t. Even if the first three propositions were true, it certainly doesn’t mean a contradicting piece of mythology is. Sorry bro, but it turns out you’re just not smart enough to be an atheist.

Bigot Florist refuses to service same sex couple

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Canadians are usually described as “friendly” and “polite” by outsiders who have little experience dealing with our equally venomous religious citizens. While New Brunswick is a picturesque Atlantic province with rolling hills and a colonial flair, it has its fair share of nightmarish ignorance and bigotry thanks to the poisonous influence of religious indoctrination.

Riverview, N.B. is a large town by the province’s own standard, and having adopted the slogan “A great place to grow”, you would imagine a genial place to live where everyone is friendly. One decidedly unfriendly citizen, by the name of Kim Evans owns a business called Petals and Promises Wedding Flowers. She recently refused to outfit a gay couple about to wed in the region, and sent this friendly email:

“I am choosing to decline your business. As a born-again Christian, I must respect my conscience before God and have no part in this matter,” the email said.

The couple, whose names have not been released, are said to be shocked and dismayed their celebration is marred by the ignorance of this woman. In Canada, it is against the law for any business to deny service over matters of race, religion, or sexual preference. While I don’t think it’s necessary to use the long arm of the law to punish this douche, it is nevertheless our solemn duty to shame her for being a close minded bigot. Never underestimate the power of shame, people!

Al Qaeda releases women’s magazine

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Ladies, did you know napalm isn’t only useful for sending American G.I’s to hell; it’s also great for the skin! This and other great tips are yours with a subscription to al-Shamika, a women’s magazine being published by your favorite terrorist organization, al-Qaeda.

al-Shamika’s table of contents lists articles on “Marrying a jihadist,” “Sharia law that applies to you” and “Your house is your kingdom,” as well as a “meeting with a jihad wife.”

I can’t wait until they come out with more articles like “How to avoid beatings”, “10 ways to prevent your teenage daughter from being honor-killed”, and finally the classic “Learn to suffer in silence”. Get your subscription now, ladies!

Spain’s stolen babies

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If child rape wasn’t enough bad karma for you, try this one for size: Catholic run hospitals in Spain took part in a massive baby kidnapping campaign that lasted over 4 decades. When a fan of the show sent me the link I was too dumbstruck to believe it at first. I mean, how much evil shit can one organization do, and when will I stop being so naïve?

It turns out that during the regime of Francisco Franco, the government had a policy of taking babies away from political opponents in order for Franco to keep a tight leash on his country. After his death in 1975 (yeah, Spain was under the boot of a fascist dictator for a while after the war), the practice is said to have continued well into the 1980′s and perhaps even beyond.

Doctors, nurses, nuns and priests are all suspected of forming part of an organized network that told mothers their children had died during, or straight after, birth. Campaigners said they believed many thousands of cases of stolen babies would eventually come to light.

It’s hard to say how many babies got kidnapped. Estimates range from 30,000 to as many as 300,000, but I’m inherently suspicious of the latter. The government is still refusing to conduct an investigation, even as pressure mounts from hundreds of “stolen” babies. These victims have been politely told to make their own investigation into the matter, which is essentially a big “fuck off”. Spain is apparently still very sore about all the crazy shit that went on back in the day.

How fucking messed up is it that the Catholic Church in Spain not only participated in the crime under Franco, but continued long after he was dead? My head is still spinning here. Are these clowns still convinced that they are in a position to lecture humanity on morality?

Pastor Can’t keep track of his own bullshit

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Watch Robby as he attempts to dodge every pertinent question from a real journalist who isn’t content throwing him softballs. The best he can muster is this answer:

“Christians have built whole dogmas about what happens when you die and we have to be very careful that we don’t build whole doctrines and dogmas on what is speculation”

Umm, you wrote an entire book that is nothing BUT speculation, dude! Even some of your equally deluded buddies think you’re a heretic for suggesting it’s not necessary to convert to Christianity in the here and now.

Kudos to Bashir for asking him why he doesn’t believe in some of the different views of early Christianity. It’s a topic you won’t find many modern Christians willing to answer. Why do you believe in the specific dogma you do? Because morons like Rob Bell keep filling people’s mind with utter nonsense.

Sam Harris on the Afterlife

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I still have lots of people who visit the site and comment on an old article I wrote about Dr. Jeffrey Long, and his book claiming the afterlife is real. He based this on thousands of web interviews he conducted over the span of a decade, and he decided, rather unscientifically, the commonality of their experiences somehow proved there was life after death. The comments normally range from someone calling me close-minded for not accepting his pathetic “research”, to accusing me of being ignorant on the subject since I don’t have a PhD.

Well, here’s someone with a formal education who has something lucid to say on the afterlife. Hopefully it’ll shut up these morons that keep showing up on the site.

Sam Harris vs Deepak Chopra

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Sam Harris does his best to spank Deepak and his pathetic attempt to understand concepts he either fails to grasp or twists them for his own purpose. I actually think it’s the former; Deepak strikes me as more of a dummy than a scam artist. Watching him try to defend his knowledge was a great little fail moment I’ll be basking about all day.

“I want to address the human question” is another way of saying “I’m about to spew a bunch of rambling thoughts that sounds, to my ears at least, highly credible.” Jean Houston will make you want to pull the hair out of your head. Luckily for me it’s already mostly in my hairbrush.

A New Book on the Bible and Sex

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Yes, it’s true that like most men my age, I occasionally obsess about sex. I can’t help it really; it’s encoded in my genes. Try as I might, anytime a book comes out with the word sex in the title, I feel compelled to read it (well, at least the opening chapter usually).

So imagine my delight when a fan sent me a link to this article in NPR which featured a new book called “Unprotected Texts: The Bible’s Surprising Contradictions about Sex and Desire”. It’s got everything a growing boy needs: it exposes the hypocrisy of the Bible, AND it dissects the naughty parts of the “Good Book”. What more could you ask for?

If you’re reading the Hebrew Bible, we might have polygamy again. We might have not only polygamy with wives, we might have polygamy with concubines and slaves,” she says. “And if we’re reading the New Testament, we would avoid marriage. The overwhelming opinion of New Testament writers is that marriage is a waste of time and that we shouldn’t be doing it because we should be spreading the Gospel. … If you’re married, you’re totally distracted and not focusing on God. If we took the New Testament seriously, we would all stop being married.

We’ve been saying the same thing here at TGA; any Christian telling you that “God” commands that marriage be a union between only one man and one woman has obviously never bothered to read the Bible. How many concubines and slave girls get raped by the patriarchs of the Hebrews? You don’t even want to know, brother!