Author Archives: Jacob Fortin

Another death due to “Faith Healing”

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Faith Healing is an oxymoron; you might as well combine other contradictory words together for fun, like “tall midget” or “logical religion”. To heal someone, you actually need to do something; anything really other than praying to your invisible friend. If I told you my kid was really sick and my imaginary buddy was her only doctor, you’d toss me in jail and take my child away from me forever. Unfortunately, because a majority of the population actually believes in the existence of this imaginary man, no one stopped Jeff and Marci Beagley when they refused to treat their 16 year old son’s urinary tract infection. He died of this extremely treatable condition.

The Beagleys are members of the “Followers of Christ Church”, and if that name sounds familiar to you, it should. Remember Ava Worthington, the 15 month old baby girl that died choking on a common cyst? Her parents were also members of this wackjob church.

Can these morons not see the writing on the wall? So far their God is 0-2. Considering the Worthingtons got off scot-free, I’m not very hopeful that these neglectful idiots will face any jail time for failing to properly care for their son. For fuck’s sake, it’s not like these kids are dying of mysterious and untreatable diseases; they’re letting their own children die from conditions that could be cured in an afternoon!

Even 2000 years ago people were trying to find cures for diseases. They knew better back than to wait for their gods to heal them. I think around the time of the Black Plague (which killed roughly 1/3 of the population), everyone realized there really isn’t anyone looking out for us, and when it comes to our health, we’re on our own. Remember stupid shit like bloodletting (the same thing that killed your beloved George Washington)? We got it wrong for a while there, but since then we’ve invented a little thing called science, and it’s been pretty fucking sweet. It’s a lot more effective than talking to yourself, and better yet, your kids won’t die if you take advantage of it.

Malaysian Muslims attack Christians for saying “Allah”

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You know what I love about atheism? We don’t confer words with special powers. This gives us an advantage; you won’t see angry atheists taking to the streets because the word “evolution” is being misused (even though we might get tempted when jackasses like Kirk Cameron spew their anti-evolutionary nonsense around), and when’s the last time an atheist firebombed a building to punish the sacrilegious use of a beloved name? Never. The same can’t be said of the religious, and the latest story of insanity comes all the way from Malaysia, where Muslims are going ape-shit after their own courts respected the rights of Christians to use the word “Allah” in reference to their own God.

Now, because Allah is Arabic for God, that should have been the end of any dispute, but because of the tendency of Muslims to lose their minds over every little detail, angry men with very brain matter have begun firebombing churches in retaliation for this new found freedom. I’m no friend of Christianity, but the violent actions over use of the word “God” is completely unreasonable. It just goes to show how utterly incompatible religions are with a free society; the fact Malaysia can barely contain the violence of their own citizens over the use of a sacred word makes you wonder just how far some people will take their own superstitious and ridiculous beliefs.

Can you all go find a fucking cave in the the middle of nowhere to live in and leave the rest of us civilized people alone please?

Stephen Baldwin is an embarrassment to humanity

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I hate reality shows, and I especially hate D-list celebrity ones. That doesn’t mean, however, that I don’t occasionally enjoy watching the train wreck of stupidity that often ensues, and this latest gem of ignorance comes from our old friend Stephen Baldwin. Stephen is a born again evangelical, a fact you can’t help but notice 5 seconds after meeting him. He’s as passionate about his religion as he is uneducated, and here we have him attempting to convince his celebrity buddies on Big Brother that evolution is false. Hey jackass, we don’t “descend” from apes; we ARE apes! As for chimpanzees (which are also apes and not monkeys), we shared an ancestor roughly 6 million years ago, which explains why we have some minor differences (we have roughly 96% of the same DNA in common). My little cousin knows this, and he’s just a kid. You might try reading a book that has facts instead of stories, idiot. You embarrass me and the rest of humanity with your stupidity.

Uganda is messed up

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Do you have annoying friends who try to argue there’s no harm in superstitious beliefs? If they have kids, you may want to send them to this article on BBCNews detailing how human sacrifices, particularly of young children, are on the increase. As prosperity increases in Uganda, witch doctors are making a killing (pun intended) from gullible idiots who hope to increase their own fortune with some black magic.

There’s a whole racket of witch doctors, and as more money flows into their coffers, desperate people are kidnapping kids to have them killed in elaborate rituals. One former witch doctor claimed to have sacrificed over 70 people (including his own son), although he now works to persuade others to stop this cruel and barbaric practice. I guess he’s too important to the movement to jail, which only shows how seriously messed up this whole situation is.

We live in a privileged time in history; such primitive and dangerous superstitions cause many of us to feel shame and disgust. Sadly, this cannot be said for everyone. Though not all superstitions are as deadly, our failure to defend the virtues of skepticism and scientific inquiry in Africa (a continent saturated by religiosity) has made this region a terrible and frightening place to live.

Surprise: Christians feel persecuted

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The Christian Anti-Defamation League has just released their “Top 10 Instances of Christian Bashing” for 2009, and as you’ll see, most of them are centered around homosexuality:

10. Pro-life Pastor Reverend Walter Hoye of Oakland, CA was jailed for exercising peaceful, pro-life speech.

9. Rev. Fred Winters was murdered while preaching in his pulpit in Maryville, Illinois.

8. HBO’s program “Curb Your Enthusiasm” aired an episode where the main actor urinates on painting of Jesus. When confronted HBO would not apologize.

7. The overt homosexual participation in Obama’s presidential inaugural events by “Bishop” Vickie Eugene Robinson, the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington D. C., and a homosexual marching band.

6. Police called to East Jessamine Middle School in Lexington, Kentucky to stop 8th graders from praying during their lunch break for a student whose mother was tragically killed.

5. Pro-life activist Jim Pullion was murdered in front of his granddaughter’s high school for showing the truth about abortion.

4. An activist judge ordered a home school mom in New Hampshire to stop home schooling her daughter because the little girl “reflected too strongly” her mother’s Christian faith.

3. The Federal Department of Homeland Security issued a report entitled “Rightwing Extremism: Current Economic and Political Climate” that labeled conservative Christians extremists and potential terrorists.

2. President Obama’s appointment of radical anti-Christians like homosexual activist Kevin Jennings as the “safe school czar;” pro-abortion advocate Kathleen Seblius made Secretary of Human and Health Services, and Chai Feldblum, pro-homosexual and anti-religious liberty judge nominated for Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.

1. The Federal Hate Crimes Bill that attacks religious liberty and freedom of speech. For the first time in our history ministers are vulnerable to investigation and prosecution for telling the truth about homosexuality.

Classically Liberal does a great job of boiling down every single point to show how none of these are the result of any specific anger or hatred against Christianity. Suffice it to say Christians have it pretty damn good, and this list is probably the weakest shit I’ve ever seen. It just confirms my beliefs that Christians are a bunch of fucking crybabies who can’t stand the idea of not being “in charge” anymore. Grow a pair, guys.

(Update: The organization does not seem to have maintained their site)

Sam Harris spanks Karen Armstrong

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Religious apologists have a powerful ally in Karen Armstrong. If you recall some of the articles I’ve written about her, Karen is the founder of Charter for Compassion, a rather naïve attempt to create a dialog between people of various faiths.

The principle of compassion lies at the heart of all religious, ethical and spiritual traditions, calling us always to treat all others as we wish to be treated ourselves.

Karen is a smart woman, but this statement is both false and misleading; compassion may occasionally be part of a religious institution, but it certainly is not its heart. If it was, the Crusades, the Inquisitions, and the modern Jihadist movement would never have been possible. How can a religion be based on compassion when it’s so violently opposed to any foreign system of belief?

Karen has often accused the “new atheist” of not knowing enough about religion, a statement I find both insulting and ludicrous (I would wager Christopher Hitchens knows more about Christianity than most Bishops). Sam Harris agrees with me, and he’s written a short article deriding Karen’s foolish opinion that all atheists need is to do is study a little bit more religion to see how compassionate it is. Here’s an excerpt:

And how could we have been so foolish as to connect the apparently inexhaustible supply of martyrs in the Muslim world to the Islamic doctrine of martyrdom? In my own defense, let me say that I do get spooked whenever Western Muslims advocate the murder of apostates (as 36 percent of Muslim young adults do in Britain). But I now know that these freedom-loving people just “want to see God reflected more clearly in public life.”

Brit Hume is a dick

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I guess to some Christians, believing in God is a bit like bargaining for a used car; you want to make sure you’re getting a good deal. Brit Hume, a FOX News regular, seems to think Buddhism offers too little in the way of redemption, and that Tiger Woods needs to convert to Christianity to feel better. It’s this kind of “wheeling and dealing” that I can’t fucking stand about this religion; it’s also why it’s a very popular choice for mobsters, criminals, and other moral deviants who are attracted to the “redemption no matter what terrible shit you’ve done” aspect of the faith. Jesus is the perfect “get out of jail free” card to people who most definitely don’t deserve it.

What Tiger needs to do is lay low and wait until some other celebrity makes an ass out of themselves.

Irish Atheists go on the offensive

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Remember Ireland’s blasphemy law “reform”? A few months ago I reported that the Irish government had proposed changing their existing Defamation Bill (which made blasphemy a crime punishable by jail time) into something a little more profitable. Irish atheists have decided to challenge this new law, which states that any blasphemy can be punished with a fine of up to €25,000. They published a number of quotes from notable artists Bjork, Salman Rushdie and Mark Twain. They hope by baiting the government, they can force them to repeal this insane law.

A person breaks the law by saying or publishing anything “grossly abusive or insulting in relation to matters held sacred by any religion, thereby causing outrage among a substantial number of the adherents of that religion.”

It’s a pretty badass move on their part, and I sincerely hope the government takes the bait. There’s no better way to expose this cowardly law for the free speech killer it is. If religions are so convinced they have the unalterable truth, why the fuck are they so scared of dissent? If they really do have the truth, wouldn’t they benefit from us challenging them if we’re so wrong?

Get ready for the Rapture!

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I take it for granted that every annoying Christian Evangelical believes the Rapture will somehow happen within their lifetime. It’s so pervasive I usually ignore anyone who claims this event is real and inevitable, but for once someone has come up with a date for it, and it’s too funny not to post.

Harold Camping is a civil engineer and amateur Biblical scholar who claims to have found a mathematical formula to allow him to work out “hidden” prophecies within the Bible, and he claims the world will end on May 21st, 2011. Better cancel your summer vacation plans people, since you’ll all be burning in Hell!

Back in September of 1994, this delusional idiot predicted Jesus would return on the 6th, and he had plenty of gullible fools who believed him. They all patiently waited, and when nothing happened, Camping went back to the drawing board.

You would think his “followers” would have learned their lesson the first time, but because they lack any critical thinking skills, many actually have more faith in his predictions than before:

Rick LaCasse, who attended the September 1994 service in Alameda, said that 15 years later, his faith in Camping has only strengthened. “Evidently, he was wrong,” LaCasse allowed, “but this time it is going to happen. There was some doubt last time, but we didn’t have any proofs. This time we do.”

I’m not sure this idiot understands what proof really means. Has Camping not proven how full of shit he is? What else do you need to stop believing in bullshit, moron?

Cartoonist attacked by Muslim fundamentalist

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You can’t start the New Year without a religious nutjob trying to murder someone they perceive as a threat to their way of life. Remember back in 2005 when the Muslim world was freaking out about a bunch of stupid cartoons depicting Muhammad as a terrorist? Turns out Kurt Westergaard, arguably the most high profile cartoonist involved, was attacked in his home yesterday by a radical Somali Muslim.

Kurt is thankfully alive, since he managed to flee inside his panic room and set off the alarm (guess he planned ahead). His axe wielding assailant (interesting choice of weapons I suppose) tried to then escape, attacking a police squad that later shot him in the shoulder and knee to bring him down.

I imagine Islamic apologists will say Kurt brought this kind of thing on himself by “insulting” their precious religion. Moderates may try and condemn the attack, but they still claim the cartoons are sacrilegious. It’s like an open invitation the more radical segment of their own faith to take drastic and murderous action against “offenders”; think of it as a bullshit “bad cop, good cop” routine where one guy beats the shit out of you while his partner begs you to confess for your own safety.

Westergaard was taken to a secret location while things cool off, but his defiance in light of threats on his life leads me to believe it’s only a matter of time before he gets iced by some radical Islamic madman for the crime of blasphemy. Isn’t religion grand?

Rick Warren wants $900,000 in 2 days

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Apparently God is broke, since in the news today Pastor Rick Warren called on his flock to donate an extra $900,000 to make up for a serious shortfall in the Church’s income. The recession hit everyone pretty hard according to Rick, which means regular tithers have opted to keep money for food rather than for the church. Warren has sent out a letter encouraging those who were not affected by the crisis to increase their regular donations to compensate, and to allow them to continue their programs.

The weird thing here is Warren wants to raise this money in two days, which seems sketchy. The Church doesn’t release their financials, so you have to take Rick at his word that the money is needed. Now before you start thinking he’s probably just using the money to buy himself new suits or golden Bibles, consider the fact the guy actually gives 90% of his income to the church since the success of his book. At least he puts his money where his mouth is. If it wasn’t for his raging homophobia, I might actually like the guy.

My problem lies in the fact he refuses to explain exactly WHY he needs the money so quickly, and where it will all go. Imagine a friend of yours called you up out of the blue and started pressuring you to give him thousands of dollars without specifying exactly how he would be using it. Odds are you might be a little suspicious, even if your friend was a “man of God”. Did Ricky have some crazy losses in the stock market? Maybe he borrowed a bunch of money from mobsters and needs to pay them back or something; my point is unless you tell people why the fuck you need so much money in a short amount of time, it’s pretty damn sketchy.

Another honor killing in Germany

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A few hundred years ago, when the world was a vastly different place, the slaughter of young women for the preservation of honor was a common occurrence. In strongly patriarchal societies, women were seen as disposable, and for cultures obsessed with their honor and reputation, honor killings became a way for families to regain social currency. If you had the stones to murder your daughter for almost no reason, you gained a lot of respect.

In Germany the problem is still pretty rampant, despite the best effort of police to clamp down on it. A young woman identified by the courts as “Gulsum” was murdered when her Kurdish father learned that she had lost her virginity and had an abortion. She was lured to a secluded location where she was strangled and clubbed to death. According to the court, her face was smashed to a pulp.

A judge has given the father a life sentence in jail, though it’s a small comfort in light of the fact this beautiful woman with an enchanting smile has ceased to live because of a stupid and inhumane tradition. Honor killings have a long history, which is precisely why they are so awful and barbaric; besides, how many practices from the ancient world do you know of that are pleasant and friendly? Can we all please stop living like we’re in the 3rd century? It’s fucking embarrassing.

LAPD no longer affiliated with Boy Scouts

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According to the Boy Scouts of America, you can’t camp in the woods with their little troop if you’re gay, agnostic or an atheist. That was kosher 20 years ago, but now that these groups are “out of the closet”, the BSA is starting to look like the bigoted small minded institution it really is. The Los Angeles Police Department, which had a program with the group since 1962 to help encourage kids to explore policing as a career, have disassociated themselves from the organization, saying that the values of tolerance and acceptance are too important to simply ignore.

The LAPD will now be designing their own program that won’t discriminate based on sexual orientation or religious belief. It helps that the police commissioner is openly gay himself (it’s LA people), and I hope the move prompts other government organizations to drop them like a bad habit. Don’t forget that the BSA gets to use public funds and government property despite failing to meet basic requirements of civility and good citizenship. It’s time for the organization to change; if they don’t, they may find themselves on the wrong side of history. Good for the LAPD for standing up for the little guys; it almost makes me like the police for once (I said almost).

Apparently the Crusades weren’t even that bad!

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Excusing the Crusades and Inquisition is as simple as mentally separating the actions of your church from the values they supposedly espouse to. We’re all sinners in their eyes, so it can’t be helped that even men of the cloth committed terrible atrocities. If you’re not convinced from this line of reasoning, you aren’t alone, which makes the following video quite painful to watch. Here we have a group of young well meaning Christians “informing” us the Crusades really weren’t that bad, and it was the fault of the people inside the organization rather than the Church itself.

Does it surprise me a religion based on absolution of sin would be so quick to pardon the crimes of their forefathers? Not really. These are the same guys who think salvation is possible no matter the terrible bad shit you’ve done, since their Messiah “paid” for all your sins in advance. Believing in Jesus is the ultimate get-out-of-jail-free card if I’ve ever seen one. Forget responsibility: you’re an evil sinner who can’t even control your own actions. Luckily, Zombie Jesus will whisk you up to heaven if you beg him hard enough. What a deal!

If you have any questions for these deluded idiots, feel free to give them a shout.