Category Archives: Blog

Church foreclosures on the rise

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While America didn’t make it into the 9 countries that are slowly losing their religion, you can rejoice at the knowledge church foreclosures are on the rise. Times have been hard for everyone, and when push came to shove, people chose to keep their money rather than to give it to purveyors of nonsense:

Religious denominations of all kinds have suffered in recent years as donations have declined, with many Catholic parishes closing and synagogues merging their congregations. But the property-financing problems have been concentrated among independent churches, which while seeking to expand lack a governing body to serve as a backstop to financial hardship.

Am I cruel for rejoicing in the failures of others? Yes, a little, but I’ve never claimed to be a nice man. I want a society free of superstitious ignorance, and I won’t apologize for seeing the decline of religion as one of the greatest signs of progress since the Enlightenment.

The 9 countries you want to live in

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Since numerous studies have found a number of industrialized nations have a steadily declining rate of religious affiliation, a team at the University of Arizona made a model predicting the rate in which 9 countries will effectively have no more religion.

The team took census data stretching back as far as a century from countries in which the census queried religious affiliation: Australia, Austria, Canada, the Czech Republic, Finland, Ireland, the Netherlands, New Zealand and Switzerland.

If you happen to live in one of these Oasis of reason, you’re in luck. If not, then I suggest you find a way to get the fuck out of your backwards, moronic country as soon as you possibly can.

Hilariously enough, it seems as though the Canadian government doesn’t want anyone to know just how irreligious the nation is. Prime Minister Stephen Harper, himself a religious idiot, has changed the census form to no longer include the question of religiosity. The idea is to skew the data in favor of religion, since the “long form” will only be sent to a disproportionately small proportion of the population. If you happen to be one of those who receives it, it becomes even more important for you to fill it out correctly!

Congress wants to add “In God we Trust” in Public Schools

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With no more problems plaguing America, politicians have decided that making the motto “In God We Trust” emblazoned in every public school is the best use of their time. Forget about trying to stem the tide of ignorance and the degradation of their educational system: everything will be fixed once we please this creator God by telling him we trust him.

The agenda for the House of Representatives contains a bill, recently reported out of the Judiciary Committee, that asks our elected officials to reaffirm “In God We Trust” as our national motto. News reports indicate the bill’s supporters appear particularly keen on having public school classrooms display the motto, so that children can spend their days gazing upon it.

Never mind the phrase is an obvious violation of the Establishment Clause; it seems as though no one gives a shit about that anymore. Legislators must see the writing on the wall. As religion begins to lose its foothold on society, desperate religionists will do everything they can to prop up their given belief system. While Texas is busy trying to pass a bill to make it illegal to discriminate against creationist idiots, you can expect more of this kind of theocratic legislation to rear its hideous head.

If you need more proof your government is at the service of God-pimps, I suggest you get your fucking head out of the sand.

Vatican “punishes” child rapist by barring him from saying mass

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If I was a pedophile, I’d make sure to seek employment from the Vatican. I mean, how many institutions react to you raping a child with such leniency? Even when you get caught with your pants down, the worst you can expect is a slap on the wrist and a nice vacation in their pathetic “rehabilitation” centers (which is nothing more than a glorified retreat).

Take Father Fons Eppink, a Dutch bishop who served in Kenya for instance. When he was discovered in 2009 to have raped a young Kenyan boy, he was barred from saying Mass in public for 18 months, and the Vatican conveniently failed to notify any authorities of any crime. Case closed, right?

Apparently, it’s still possible for Eppink to be charged for the crime in the Netherlands, so long as charges are actually laid down. Since the Vatican knows exactly what crimes were committed and how, this is the perfect opportunity for them to show their “commitment” to prosecuting offenders. How much do you want to bet they actually protect this fucking scumbag instead?

Faith in UK is eroding

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Some of you might recall the recent campaign in the UK encouraging people to mark “non-religious” on census surveys, and while the effort had positive results, there are still Britons who check-mark the religion they were born into.

Cognizant of that fact, a recent survey conducted by the British Humanist Association asked respondents two different questions designed to identify the percentage of people who still chose to incorrectly answer this question by including another one asking them if they were religious or not. The results were enlightening to say the least:

While 61% of the poll’s respondents said they did belong to a religion, 65% of those surveyed answered “no” to the further question: “Are you religious?

Among respondents who identified themselves as Christian, fewer than half said they believed Jesus Christ was a real person who died, came back to life and was the son of God.

The survey seems to indicate individuals are still identifying themselves with the religions of their parents, presumably because they’re reticent to accept the label of atheist.

Hey Britons, it’s time you fucking stopped pretending to be religious, and stop filling in your surveys incorrectly! If you don’t believe in a personal savior, then stop saying you’re a Christian. Trust me, the real ones think you’ll burn in hell anyways; why give them the satisfaction of thinking they are the majority?

Bigot Florist refuses to service same sex couple

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Canadians are usually described as “friendly” and “polite” by outsiders who have little experience dealing with our equally venomous religious citizens. While New Brunswick is a picturesque Atlantic province with rolling hills and a colonial flair, it has its fair share of nightmarish ignorance and bigotry thanks to the poisonous influence of religious indoctrination.

Riverview, N.B. is a large town by the province’s own standard, and having adopted the slogan “A great place to grow”, you would imagine a genial place to live where everyone is friendly. One decidedly unfriendly citizen, by the name of Kim Evans owns a business called Petals and Promises Wedding Flowers. She recently refused to outfit a gay couple about to wed in the region, and sent this friendly email:

“I am choosing to decline your business. As a born-again Christian, I must respect my conscience before God and have no part in this matter,” the email said.

The couple, whose names have not been released, are said to be shocked and dismayed their celebration is marred by the ignorance of this woman. In Canada, it is against the law for any business to deny service over matters of race, religion, or sexual preference. While I don’t think it’s necessary to use the long arm of the law to punish this douche, it is nevertheless our solemn duty to shame her for being a close minded bigot. Never underestimate the power of shame, people!

Al Qaeda releases women’s magazine

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Ladies, did you know napalm isn’t only useful for sending American G.I’s to hell; it’s also great for the skin! This and other great tips are yours with a subscription to al-Shamika, a women’s magazine being published by your favorite terrorist organization, al-Qaeda.

al-Shamika’s table of contents lists articles on “Marrying a jihadist,” “Sharia law that applies to you” and “Your house is your kingdom,” as well as a “meeting with a jihad wife.”

I can’t wait until they come out with more articles like “How to avoid beatings”, “10 ways to prevent your teenage daughter from being honor-killed”, and finally the classic “Learn to suffer in silence”. Get your subscription now, ladies!

Spain’s stolen babies

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If child rape wasn’t enough bad karma for you, try this one for size: Catholic run hospitals in Spain took part in a massive baby kidnapping campaign that lasted over 4 decades. When a fan of the show sent me the link I was too dumbstruck to believe it at first. I mean, how much evil shit can one organization do, and when will I stop being so naïve?

It turns out that during the regime of Francisco Franco, the government had a policy of taking babies away from political opponents in order for Franco to keep a tight leash on his country. After his death in 1975 (yeah, Spain was under the boot of a fascist dictator for a while after the war), the practice is said to have continued well into the 1980′s and perhaps even beyond.

Doctors, nurses, nuns and priests are all suspected of forming part of an organized network that told mothers their children had died during, or straight after, birth. Campaigners said they believed many thousands of cases of stolen babies would eventually come to light.

It’s hard to say how many babies got kidnapped. Estimates range from 30,000 to as many as 300,000, but I’m inherently suspicious of the latter. The government is still refusing to conduct an investigation, even as pressure mounts from hundreds of “stolen” babies. These victims have been politely told to make their own investigation into the matter, which is essentially a big “fuck off”. Spain is apparently still very sore about all the crazy shit that went on back in the day.

How fucking messed up is it that the Catholic Church in Spain not only participated in the crime under Franco, but continued long after he was dead? My head is still spinning here. Are these clowns still convinced that they are in a position to lecture humanity on morality?

A New Book on the Bible and Sex

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Yes, it’s true that like most men my age, I occasionally obsess about sex. I can’t help it really; it’s encoded in my genes. Try as I might, anytime a book comes out with the word sex in the title, I feel compelled to read it (well, at least the opening chapter usually).

So imagine my delight when a fan sent me a link to this article in NPR which featured a new book called “Unprotected Texts: The Bible’s Surprising Contradictions about Sex and Desire”. It’s got everything a growing boy needs: it exposes the hypocrisy of the Bible, AND it dissects the naughty parts of the “Good Book”. What more could you ask for?

If you’re reading the Hebrew Bible, we might have polygamy again. We might have not only polygamy with wives, we might have polygamy with concubines and slaves,” she says. “And if we’re reading the New Testament, we would avoid marriage. The overwhelming opinion of New Testament writers is that marriage is a waste of time and that we shouldn’t be doing it because we should be spreading the Gospel. … If you’re married, you’re totally distracted and not focusing on God. If we took the New Testament seriously, we would all stop being married.

We’ve been saying the same thing here at TGA; any Christian telling you that “God” commands that marriage be a union between only one man and one woman has obviously never bothered to read the Bible. How many concubines and slave girls get raped by the patriarchs of the Hebrews? You don’t even want to know, brother!

Arkansas OK’s bill to make Bible study an elective course

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Apparently legislators in Arkansas are convinced the ills of society can be fixed if they ensure students are brainwashed into Christianity. In order to do so, they’ve passed a Bill that would lay out “guidelines” for public schools who want to offer elective classes on the Bible.

Republican Rep. Denny Altes called the Bible the most accurate history book and says students could learn about its influence on literature, culture and politics in a nonreligious setting.

It’s highly doubtful these electives will be critical of the Bible, and the fact that Denny-boy thinks this book of mythology is the most accurate history book indicates he’s never actually bothered to study any other texts. He’s seeing the world through his “faith goggles”, and like their beer counterpart, they severely affect judgement.

The Bill now heads for the House to be voted on, and it’s my hope that people there have their heads screwed on right. This kind of indoctrination has no place in public schools. I’m not too hopeful for any sanity from equally moronic politicians, but a man can hope, can’t he?

Philadelphia archdiocese still rampant with pedophiles

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The archdiocese in Philadelphia is in serious trouble. Since 2005, they’ve been subject to 2 grand jury reports that found rampant sexual abuse on the part of over 100 priests. The first report, which found 63 priests have been involved in some form of ritualistic abuse, provided no convictions since the statute of limitations had run its course. Another recent report found another 37 priests who had either raped or acted inappropriately with minors, and while some steps have been taken to try and get convictions, most are still under the employ of the Church, and some are still in active duty.

The possibility that even one predatory priest, not to mention three dozen, might still be serving in parishes — “on duty in the archdiocese today, with open access to new young prey,” as the grand jury put it — has unnerved many Roman Catholics here and sent the church reeling in the latest and one of the most damning episodes in the American church since it became engulfed in the sexual abuse scandal nearly a decade ago.

Lots of Catholics in Philly are having problems reconciling their faith with the news the Church appears to have little concern for the well-being of their children. Had they bothered to actually study the thing, they would have found this behavior isn’t at all recent; we’re all just more aware now.

When the archdiocese learns of reports of sexual abuse, it is now supposed to report them to the district attorney, which is what led to the most recent grand jury investigation. Extensions on the statute of limitations also made prosecutions possible this time.

This, at least, is an encouraging sign. The Church’s policy of secrecy has always relied on the fact there is a 10 year statue of limitation on sexual abuse once the victim reaches adulthood. Personally I’ve never understood why it’s necessary to limit the amount of time a pedophile can be prosecuted, especially considering sex abuse victims are traumatized for years, sometimes decades. That’s slowly changing, and yet convictions for these bastards is moving glacially slow. Maybe it might go a little faster if their idiot sheep stopped giving them a bunch of money all the time. Just sayin’.

Bad Creationism debating tactics obliterated

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Are you an idiot who wants desperately to continue to believe in a supernatural entity despite no evidence to do so? Are you intimidated by science, and how it conflicts with your supernatural understanding of the world? Are you concerned evolution makes your Cosmogony seem infantile and basic by comparison? Then head on over to Creationtips.com*, where you can learn a whole slew of idiotic talking points, such as.

1. How did the Universe come about?
There is of course no scientific law or demonstrable process that would let something evolve from nothing. If there was nothing in the universe to begin with, obviously nothing could happen to cause anything to appear. [Jake’s Note: You’ll read this whole “there is no scientific law” rhetoric all the time on the site. Evidently these clowns have no real understanding of what scientific laws are all about.]

Translation: Something can’t come from nothing, therefore my Creator God who willed himself into existence did it.

In any case, this question is supposed to confuse non-believers who aren’t super familiar with astrophysics. How can a Universe come from nothing? Well, Laurence Krauss has some good answers to this question, but it’s still an argument I find quickly paints religionists into a corner. If it’s true you can’t get something from nothing, then why does this rule not apply to their Creator God?

2. How could living creatures come from Non-Life?
There are no provable mechanisms for how molecules could increase in complexity without cells to produce and utilize them. For example, you cannot assume proteins before you have the DNA that codes for them.

Translation: There are no provable mechanisms for life, therefore my improvable deity did it!

Creationists are always a little confused as to how non-living materials create living entities. While we cannot yet fully explain how the necessary proteins arranged themselves to create DNA, it’s important to remember this molecule is not “alive” in the same sense that we are. It’s simply a biological mechanism for replication, and there are other non-organic examples of this as well.

Any creationists using the word “DNA” is a fool; if they believe humans are separate from animals, they should choose a different molecule: this one suggests humans share a common ancestor with all animals. It’s a far cry from their Adam and Eve bullshit.

3. How could new genetic information arise?
The theory of evolution teaches that complex life-forms evolved from simple life-forms. There is no natural law known that could allow this to happen. The best that evolutionists can come up with to try to explain how this might have happened is to propose that it happened by mutations and natural selection.

Translation: I’m confused about evolution, therefore God did it.

Creationists are always confused about how evolution works. They have to be, otherwise it kills their little delusion that Earth was spawned by an invisible deity. They always claim you can’t see evolution in action, even though you can with something as mundane as using anti-bacterial soap. It’s even clearly spelled out for you on the label: if they kill 99.9% of all bacteria, the 0.1% that survived have developed a greater resiliency to this particular soap. Over time, these traits make their way into the population and your soap becomes increasingly ineffectual as we slowly train bacterium to resist us through our germophobic habits. Tada!

More sophisticated creationists (Intelligent Design) admit this kind of evolution exists, but somehow these types of changes can’t possibly lead to different traits leading to separate species over long periods of time. Even if evolution were wrong, it would not make their magical-spontaneous-sky-man hypothesis any more correct.

…mutations and natural selection do not show gain in information, just rearrangement or loss of what is already there — therefore there may be beneficial mutations without an increase in genetic information.

There’s a wonderful video explaining how a kind of “loss of information” was responsible for humans branching off into a separate species, and you need to check it out.

4. Where is the proof that apes turned into humans?
Thousands of fossils and fossil fragments of apes and humans have now been found — and they don’t show a steady progression from apes to humans at all. Fossils have been found in the wrong time-frames, put into the wrong categories before all the evidence was in, and what was once thought to be the ape-human family tree now actually has no trunk — just unconnected branches.

Translation: I don’t even understand the notion that human beings ARE apes!

This one makes me the saddest, because it reminds me we’re still a long ways away as a species from admitting what we are. You’d think the fabric of society would collapse like a balloon as soon as we all realized we are animals like any other. The fact that we are offended by the notion of being apes goes to show we have little appreciation for the truth, and even less appreciation for how extraordinarily fortunate we are to be alive.

As for debunking this claim the “fossil record keeps changing”, keep in mind the chance of actually finding human fossils is already a rarity (land species always leave less evidence of their existence, and we haven’t been around for long). Our entire collection of ancient hominid bones could fit in the back of a pickup truck, for God’s sake! But to say there’s no evidence we share a common ancestor with apes is simply a pious lie. The evidence is overwhelming (one of the proofs is in the video I mentioned before), and keep in mind so far, the best alternative explanation these creationists offer is the equivalent of magic. How are they so endlessly impressed with themselves?

*(Update: The site no longer exists)

Christians protest Muslim fundraiser for homeless shelter

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Now all of you are acutely aware of how disdainful I am of religion in general, but I have the common courtesy not to yell either obscenities or jeers at Muslims just going about their business. These Tea Party racist jackasses are upset because people of a different flesh tone are praying to an equally ridiculous God, and they can’t stand the idea.

Them chanting “USA, USA” during a hate rally is the cherry on top of this shit sundae, isn’t it?

The price of free speech

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Whenever I hear some stupid rhetoric about soldiers dying in a foreign land for our “freedom”, I’m reminded that we really aren’t accustomed to the kind of actual sacrifices we have to make to maintain our liberties. In truth, freedom isn’t about the kind of conflicts that involve bombs and bullets: it’s about the right to say what you want, even when it happens to be horribly offensive.

The Supreme Count recently ruled in favor of the Westboro Baptist Church’s right to picket the funerals of men and women that die in combat. You may remember these tasteless fuckwads who show up with signs so vile they normally get censored by TV stations covering their exploits.

The court ruled 8-1 in favor of Phelps, with Chief Justice John Roberts writing the opinion. Roberts said that despite the pain the protests can inflict upon families and friends, “On the facts before us, we cannot react to that pain by punishing the speaker.”

A lot of people are outraged by the decision, which is why the rights of individuals aren’t decided democratically. If we could, most of us would vote our fundamental rights away. As much as I hate the WBC, I’m glad the Supreme Court isn’t catering to the whims of easily offended citizens. If you have a problem with free speech, and all that entails, I suggest you try one of the countries where such options are more in tune with your precious sensibilities.

Peter Popoff is at it again

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There are few men with the batting record of Peter Popoff. The man seems to have an innate ability to scam people out of their hard-earned money, and does so without breaking a sweat. He’s been largely free to bamboozle people out of their hard earned money using the best shield against rationality, responsibility and accountability: religion.

He began in the 70’s as a faith healer, racking up millions of dollars by making eerily accurate and dramatic “revelations” about his audience’s illnesses, until James Randi exposed him on Johnny Carson in 1986. Turns out Popoff was using a hidden ear-piece and his wife’s rather unprophetic reading of pre-filled prayer cards to make his convincing “miracles” happen. Shortly after, Popoff’s ministry went bankrupt, and he disappeared.

But much like the plague, which lies dormant until our collective immune system is once again primed for infection, Popoff has had a number of resurrections. He first started popping up in Canada in the late 90’s selling holy water he claimed could work miracles (he also said the water came from a magic source near Chernobyl where animals had no diseases).

Apart from selling snake oil, he’s now turned his sights to those in need of debt relief. His latest scam, which he heavily advertises on BET (black entertainment television), is to ask people to make donations, and in exchange promises to ask God to relieve their debt.

When asked to answer critics who say he takes advantage of desperate people, Popoff issued a written response.

“As for religious leaders calling me a fraud, that places me in good company,” Popoff said. “The religious leaders of Christ’s day called him a fake and a demon-possessed fraud. They went so far as to crucify Him. I have no time for my critics, I have a job to do and I’m doing it for God’s glory.”

God’s glory, so far, has netted his ministry roughly 24 million dollars a year, and allowed him to command a salary of more than half a million dollars.

It would be easy to stop this man were it not for the fact he is part of a whole industry of deceit and unaccountability. Prosperity gospels do very much the same thing he does, and the fact all of this is considered a form of religious expression means they aren’t doing anything illegal by lying to people in order to make money. After all, if you prosecuted every single preacher who took money from gullible people in exchange for some improvable supernatural blessing, every single God-pimp would be broke or behind bars.

So long as people continue to believe in absurdities without any critical thought, scumbags like Peter Popoff will enjoy all the luxuries afforded to them by such profound ignorance. You want to make people scam-proof? Start by teaching them enough critical thinking skills to see through the deception of religion. Otherwise, someone like Popoff will always be waiting to pounce on the weak minded and gullible.