If you’ve listened to my shows recently, you know how big a fan of Pinker I am, including his most brilliant work “The Better Angels of our Nature: Why Violence has Declined”. If you haven’t read this lengthy beast, this talk actually covers the basics really well. A must listen!
You know what’s great about being an ‘Intelligent Design’ scientist? You get to save all of the money you would normally be spending on electron microscopes, computers, DNA sequencing machines or a host of other expensive equipment. Why bother to invest in technology when your premise is the world of make-believe is more real than the physical one? The only ‘equipment’ you need is a lab coat, a Bible, and a green screen to allow your ‘scientists’ to appear credible when being interviewed by other creationists Intelligent Design advocates.
Of course, if you are going to try the whole ‘credibility’ angle, there is a slight chance that the Internet will totally call you up on your ridiculous bullshit. So when the Discovery Institute (an organization whose only discovery is how gullible Americans are) was filming a segment for their ongoing series of ludicrous videos denying gravity evolution, they thought it would be a good idea to have their ‘scientist’ sitting in lab. The only problem being the Discovery institute doesn’t have any such facility. Instead, they opted to green screen that shit with an image they found at Shutterstock. Not exactly their most brilliant move (but pretty close).
Working on the Bible Stories book has made me realize it’s categorically impossible to gloss the horror out of these stories. The proof? Just watch this kid’s Bible cartoon, and just how creepy it is. For the love of their provincial god Yahweh, they wrote a song about Isaac being bound up and prepared to be killed for some imaginary friend. Yeah, I’d imagine a kid having some pretty serious nightmare and trust issues after watching that horror unfold.
What’s better than a bunch of white, middle class yahoos singing rap lyrics? How about a rap about how God needs you to give him 10 percent of your income, even if it means not buying your groceries or paying your rent?
“Before I buy groceries or pay the rent,
I’ve got to give God his full 10 percent,
He gives me a Hundred and I give him back ten
and I’m blessed all day from beginning to end
Why does God need money, you ask? Well, apparently the ‘great provider’ has a serious problem balancing his checkbook, and only a huge chunk of your income can solve his cash flow problems. But don’t worry: even though giving so much of your income might put you in debt, or make you unable to make all your payments on time, you can take comfort in the fact that God loves people who allow his representatives to drive in Cadillacs instead of taking the bus.
At least when TGA asks you for a tithe, it’s actually closer to .0001% of your income, and you know exactly where it goes: I don’t pretend that it’s used for any other purpose than to sustain me.
I can’t stand TV sitcoms. Maybe it’s the fact their predictability is only surpassed by the insipidness of their jokes. Who knows. Generally speaking I tend to ignore the crap out of them and call it a day.
One of the chief perpetrator of nauseating trash on TV is the show Two and a Half Men. You might remember former star Charlie Sheen had a bit of a meltdown (give a junkie millions and watch what fun stuff he does), and was replaced with the even more obnoxious Ashton Kutcher. Now it seems another actor is drawing controversy.
Angus Jones, who plays the kid (well, now young adult) recently released a video about his religiosity, and apart from the regular tropes religious people can’t help but regurgitate, he also expressed remorse at his involvement with the TV show, which he called ‘Ungodly Filth’ due to its sex-heavy stories. He’s recently come out as a Seventh Day Adventist, and he urged his fan not to watch the show, lest the poor guy become corrupted by the message that sex is fun and awesome.
In case you were wondering what Seventh Day Adventists are all about (who can keep track of all these nutty religions?), they’re an offshoot of the Millerites, a Rapture-like movement who predicted the Second Coming of Jesus would occur between 1843 and 1844. When the prediction failed (something the Millerites called “The Great Disappointment”), most of the followers went back to their old congregations with their tails between their legs. A few decided that William Miller’s calculations of the Second Coming was something else entirely, and formed their own groups with different ways of justifying their total embarrassment in the face of reality.
The groups that eventually mutated into today’s modern Seventh Day Adventists focused on doctrinal differences with mainline Protestantism in 3 fundamental ways:
1) Immortality is conditional on belief in Jesus, who only grants you ever lasting life if he so chooses. Otherwise, you vanish into non-existence (no Hell)
2) Saturday is the day of rest, and not Sunday
3) Eat Kosher, and refrain from most of the fun stuff life has to offer
These former Millerites are all looking forward to the End Times and all that fun head chomping, wine-press full of blood shit fundamentalists are so fond of.
To recap, a kid who went to Christian schools his whole life (not a good sign or education) suddenly feels guilty that the 350k he makes per episode is leading to the moral decay of society; something he should actually be happy about, since this is but one of many supposed signs of the end times. Here’s an idea, pal: why don’t you quit the show, give all your money to charity, and sit on your roof waiting for your homicidal messiah to come down and kill all your enemies?
Hey look, it’s an atheist who converted to religion. All it took for him was:
a) To read one book about atheism
b) To think that one book would give him the needed skepticism to reject the joke that is C.S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity“
c) To stop thinking critically immediately afterwards
This guy was seduced by the morality argument? What, the ‘feelings’ you had couldn’t be explained WITHOUT referring to a supernatural force? Christianity can keep you dude, we want the smart ones on our side.
Once upon a time there was a mean old atheist who didn’t like the fact his government was showing obvious favoritism to the dominant religion of his fellow citizens. He dared to ask that other holiday displays not affiliated with the mythology of Jesus also be allowed to be publicly displayed, and a more inclusive form of festivities could be added, so as to reduce the alienation of others.
Luckily, a lovable crank had a dream about what would happen if America didn’t shove Christianity in everyone’s face with a bunch of ghosts, and when he woke up the next morning, he gathered up all his strength and headed over to his little TV station and let the world know about that awful man trying to ruin 70% of the population’s good time. What a hero!
Thank the dead Palestinian Jew who probably never even existed that Cindy Jacobs and her group of whackjobs were around in 2011 to protect us with her ‘prayer cover’ that’s been actively thwarting terrorist’s attempts. Also in more personal news, I have a rock that can protect you from being mauled by a tiger. I’m currently selling it for the low-low price of $999.99, so you better move if you want my useless piece of shit talisman to protect your loved ones from dangerous man-eating tigers! How do I know it works? Well, I’ve never once suffered a tiger attack, so it’s obviously doing something right! Who knows how many tiger attacks it’s prevented over the years?
I have some fond memories of the TV show Northern Exposure. It might have something to do with the fact Alaska looks a lot like rural Quebec in the winter (complete with wood shacks, small town politics, and some adorable wackos). Janine Turner was in my spank bank for several years after the show had ended, but then again, I didn’t have the Internet to tell me what a bat-shit crazy bitch she is. When she isn’t supporting Sarah Palin as a political candidate, she’s helping teach people the secrets of ‘Christoga’, an exercise routine for aging Christian hags who want to spend as much time working out as the do praying to their invisible friend.
Is it a complete bastardization of another faith’s exercise routine? Sure, but to be fair, yoga had been watered down by white people for decades, so we’ll assume this is just yet another example of the pathetic cash-grab Christians are so famous for. “Watch us do ineffectual movements while vaguely mentioning Jesus.” Fun times…
You could easily replace the word ‘segregation’ with ‘marriage equality’, and echo the same argument modern bigots are using to try and justify their homophobia. They talk of freedom from tyranny, ignoring completely the fact that it is their hatred and intolerance which creates the inequity that so characterizes tyrannies.
The good news is the man in this video, George Wallace Jr., would eventually change his mind after an assassination attempt and being born again. He would even make history by appointing two African Americans in his cabinet (which in Alabama has yet to be surpassed even today). So, even the most ardent bigots can sometimes change their minds. Sort of gives you hope, right?
I wonder if Pat Robertson remembers this little gem from back in January, when he claimed God told him in advance that Obama was going to lose the election…which he of course did not. If I was him, I’d just pull the same stunt Mohammed did whenever he was caught making a bullshit prediction: just blame it on the devil. He’s the go-to guy for all your lame excuses: did you cheat on your wife? The devil made you do it! Did you fail to pay your taxes? The devil’s work I tells ya! Man, why take personal responsibility for anything when you can blame some supernatural entity?
With conservatives still freaking out over the fact their president is still black, you can expect some of the nuttier flavors of the Religious Right to step up their rhetoric. Glenn Beck, straight off his prediction God had promised the White House to a Mormon, has advised his aged listeners that the world will soon end, and their only recourse is to buy plenty of farmland and guns.
Inflation is coming, the fiscal cliff is coming, the dollar fell last night in the news… your health-care costs are going up [lie], your religion is going to come under attack [by reality maybe], gas, coal and energy is going to be more expensive [but please don’t buy a fuel efficient car, that’s un-American]…may I recommend that if you have a chance to buy farmland, you buy farmland… find a place where you are surrounded by like minded people [sounds like a cult]. Get your kids away from schools that are indoctrinating them with socialism [instead of Jesus]. May I highly suggest you get grandfathered in to the second amendment today [i.e. buy the biggest and most dangerous gun you can]. And don’t forget the ammunition.
I expect to see much more of this kind of reaction: conservatives becoming increasingly more isolated with the realization that they are no longer the majority. The solution? Move somewhere where everyone agrees with you and become even more extreme in your views. Sounds like a great plan, Glenn!
Here are some of my favorite ridiculous tropes:
1) Harvard University is Jesus’ #1 enemy, because there’s learnin’ going on there.
2) America apparently elects people that like killing babies (he may be referring to abortion, but I think their ICBM’s do a better job.
3) You can’t be a good Christians unless you can instantly kill somebody with a gun.
4) Secular progressives have abandoned God (that’s why they’re called secular, genius).
5) Everyone who doesn’t believe in his version of Christ is a Marxist.
What do you get when you take a bunch of religious fundamentalists and take them on a tour of America while challenging their faith? Well, you get people even more determined to believe in silly bullshit while accusing everyone else of fabricating evidence of things they don’t understand. Worth a watch if you’ve got the 54 minutes of spare time to throw around.
“According to our Forefathers, God is the platform”
Yeah, so much so that they wrote an amendment specifically mentioning the fact that the government was not in the business of endorsing any religion, or forcing someone to pass a religious test to enter office. It was also the first fucking thing they wrote, but I’m sure a failed TV actor has a much better understanding of how they felt than historians, or the Founding Fathers themselves. So when James Madison said
“Ecclesiastical establishments tend to great ignorance and corruption, all of which facilitate the execution of mischievous projects”.
What he really meant to say was:
” Jesus is Lord, and can we please put him on the ballot or something”.
Man, making up facts is fun! I don’t even need to put references to my material, since that’s just east-coast elitist claptrap.
You’re right about one thing, Kirk. The Founding Fathers would be appalled, just not for the reasons you think.