You so naughty, girl!

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You know that stereotype that all conservative women are really just secret perverts who turn to religion as a doomed way of getting their perversion under control? Well, here’s another story proving that there seems to be a bit of truth to the idea. Kristin Maguire is a religious conservative with an alter ego who writes and publishes pornographic stories online. She was also the chair of the SC state board of education until it was discovered she was also one naughty little girl. Here is some of her work:

Erik’s eyes slid closed on another groan. I could feel his dick swelling up as my swallowing and his hip pumping synched. My mouth watered in anticipation of being filled with his cum. His balls drew up and I knew he was close. I increased the tempo of my swallowing, driving him to his climax. I wanted to finish Erik before Joren finished himself.

That’s the tamest paragraph I could find, and as you can probably tell, this story is about a happy little threesome. You can check out the rest of it here (you better hurry; she’s trying to destroy all evidence of her writing), and as you’ve guessed, it’s obviously not safe for work. It reads right out of a cheesy porn flick, but I actually LIKE porn, so why would I complain? I just feel sorry for Kristin, who seems to have a lot of sexual imagination; something that’s probably creating a lot of internal conflict with her religion.

Hey, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with writing filth. Personally I love this kind of stuff. Still, I always laugh whenever a conservative gets caught doing something they publicly deride. Hey, we’re all human here, and we all love porn. It’s just a shame so many people have to pretend they don’t so they can feel morally superior to others.

Embrace your hedonism Kristin, and keep writing your naughty stories! Just stop telling everyone evolution is wrong, and students should be taught abstinence instead of sex ed. Remember: not everyone is as sexually repressed as you!

Online survey identifies Bible’s worst passages

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If you’ve never read Carl Sagan’s “The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark“, do yourself a favor and pick it up. One of his chapters deals specifically with the Inquisition, and the slaughter of an estimated 100,000 women at the hand of the Church. Although the West has generally stopped prosecuting women for the crime of “witchcraft” (the last person convicted was in 1944), in Africa, the problem is still rampant. The growing influence of Christianity has tragically created a powder keg situation, as ancient superstitions are met with the violent rhetoric of the Old Testament, which states quite plainly witches are to be killed.

I found this article to be both amusing and frustrating; an online survey asked respondents which parts of the Bible they found most disturbing, and Exodus 12: verse 18, which states “Do not allow a sorceress to live” was ranked third. I’m sure no one in the Church would ever imagine removing this verse, or any of the others that command genocide, rape, or infanticide.

Simon Jenkins, editor of shipoffools.com, said: “It doesn’t have to be a textbook of infallible information and unbreakable laws to be God’s book. And it doesn’t have to be one big pile of lies because of its dodgy bits. In Chapter and Worse we are attempting to rescue it from rival takeover bids.”

Simon seems to be under the impression changes to the Bible are possible (and very desirable), but fails to realize as soon as anyone starts messing with it, there will be no end to the editing. If the book really is God’s word, what parts are you supposed to keep and what parts are you going to throw out? Is there even any reason to believe individual Christians would follow a Bible with huge chunks taken out? Jefferson rewrote the Bible with only the ethical elements included, and no one is reading that one. Who decides what God said, and what some dude made up?

I think many Christians naively think people who kill witches, behead homosexuals and justify their cruel and inhumane actions through the “Good Book” are perverting their faiths. The truth is these people are actually fully expressing their beliefs, and using the same book “we” do in the West. This is why tragedies will continue to occur, all in the name of religion. The fact that we don’t kill witches here is historically a fairly recent phenomenon, and there is no reason to believe this trend will continue on forever.

It’s sad that even believers recognize the trouble within their own holy texts, and yet chose to keep such dangerous passages out of the foolish belief that the Bible is the infallible word of God. You can’t edit this volume; it’s a lost cause. We have far better ideological and ethical tools that do not require primitive and stupid mythologies to prove their point. The Bible no longer reflects the way we feel about women, different “races”, and homosexuality. Is there really anything left when you take out the nasty parts anyways? What can a book written by primitive and ignorant desert people really teach us?

Pope blames atheists for environmental problems

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If I had to write an article every time the pontiff opens his mouth and says something stupid, I would honestly never get any rest. Aside from the fact this man considers himself the holy avatar between humanity and God, the institution maintains all popes are immune from error. Catholic dogma states that because they are under the influence of the Holy Spirit, all Popes are immune from even the possibility of error. They call this stupid and obviously wrong assertion: “papal infallibility“.

I can appreciate the efforts made by the Catholic church these days concerning the environment. It’s nice to see they recognize that Jesus isn’t coming down to fix our problems anytime soon (even though that won’t stop them from praying for it), since the alternative is frightening to say the least.

Experiencing the shared responsibility for creation (Cf. 51), the Church is not only committed to the promotion of the defense of the earth, of water and of air, given by the Creator to everyone, but above all is committed to protect man from the destruction of himself. In fact, “when ‘human ecology’ is respected in society, environmental ecology also benefits” (ibid).

We should keep in mind this environmental “revelation” is a fairly recent phenomenon. The Catholic Church, for the most part, has always maintained that Earth and every creature on it was the property of man, put there by God for us to enjoy. Now that global warming is such a huge issue, the Pope is quick to put the blame for our environmental problems on his favorite scapegoats: atheists.

Is it not true that inconsiderate use of creation begins where God is marginalized or also where is existence is denied? If the human creature’s relationship with the Creator weakens, matter is reduced to egoistic possession, man becomes the “final authority,” and the objective of existence is reduced to a feverish race to possess the most possible.

Actually, I would venture to guess that the percentage of atheists who care about the environment is probably much higher than our religious counterparts. We also don’t pray for some magical sky-man to solve our problems for us, so I would say we actually have the advantage there as well.

The Pope can deny reality if he chooses to, but I’m annoyed every time this asshole tries to blame the world’s problem on non-believers. Last time I checked, we weren’t telling people dying of AIDS to avoid using condoms, but hey, I’m sure they could make us look like that bad guys on that one too.

(NOTE: The church has since taken down the article)

Band forced to abandon “evolution of brass” logo

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If you think evolution is controversial, then I’m sorry to inform you that you are an idiot. I can’t say it any other way. If you deny the earth is round, or gravity exists, you’d be getting the same reaction. In every educated country around the world, the fact of evolution isn’t disputed. Why would it be? It’s one of the most rigorously tested scientific theories of all time, with so many converging lines of evidence, including fossils, radiometric dating, and of course, DNA. Every time a new discovery is made, it only strengthens the theory more.

We’re all familiar with the popular image of a monkey slowly “evolving” into a man, and this image alone is enough to send right wing fundies into a frenzy; a band in Sedalia, Missouri was forced to turn in their shirts after parents complained about their logo (see above).

The explanation given by school officials is extremely disappointing and weak (expecting anything less?):

Pollitt said the district is required by law to remain neutral where religion is concerned. “If the shirts had said ‘Brass Resurrections’ and had a picture of Jesus on the cross, we would have done the same thing,” he said.

Too bad evolution isn’t actually a religion, or that would almost have made sense. It would be like banning t-shirts with pictures of the solar system because this conflicts with the view that the Earth is the center of the universe. It’s absolute nonsense to think this is an Establishment Clause issue.

The school needs to reverse this policy, and rational minded individuals who don’t literally believe in fairy tales need to get involved. We can’t keep letting these idiots win like this. When science is undermined, we all lose.

The Good Atheist Podcast: EP 085

This week we have a great show for you; we talk about a new(ish) documentary on homeopathy, we also discuss breast cancer, and finally we talk a little bit about the health care situation.

The Good Atheist
The Good Atheist
The Good Atheist Podcast: EP 085
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Intelligent Design gets PWNED. Again.

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The hilarious thing about Intelligent Design is it explains absolutely nothing about the natural world. It’s proponents would have us believe nature is so complex that only the power of a God (let’s not beat around the bush here) could possibly account for the existence of even the most basic forms of life. Because this hypothesis is built on the “God in the Gaps” argument, there is no need for any ID proponent to try and seek “proof” of their claims. So long as science can’t answer everything, they will continue to try and erode the public’s confidence in one of the most rigorously tested theories in science: evolution.

Well, it just got a little harder for these idiots to try and undermine science: researchers at Yale University believe they have discovered how Mitochondria (which provides energy to our cells) evolved from a free-living bacteria to one of the most critical components in our bodies. It’s a big step forward for science, and another blow for ID morons trying to pretend they understand the scientific method.

A discovery like this should be the final nail in the Intelligent Design coffin, but since there are still so many things we need to discover, there will always be those who seek to insert God in there somewhere. These poor, desperate fools want their mythology to be true so badly they are willing to try and destroy science to accomplish their goal. They are not harmless fools, but rather enemies of science and reason who seek to return us to the Bronze Age out of the stupid conviction that “scientific naturalism” leads to moral and ethical decay (this despite the fact that war, crime, and conflict is historically at an all time low).

If you want to believe in your precious God, then you’re free to do so; just don’t try to bring him into the laboratory where people are actually trying to get work done, thanks.

Catholic Church health care stance is schizophrenic

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Here’s a great article about the Catholic Church and their attempt to force the Obama administration to exclude any abortion provision to their reform. Despite the fact the Church has been asking the government for decades to provide citizens with Universal health care (I’ll give them props for that one), they are now threatening to withdraw their support because women who have been sexually assaulted or who’s lives may be in danger due to their pregnancy would be able to have an abortion.

I think it’s about time the Catholics drop this issue once and for all. It’s not something they are about to win. In our modern society, we recognize women ultimately have the right to control their own bodies. The fact that the Church is trying to use its influence to potentially kill reform because of abortion proves they are more interested in zygotes than they are in living, breathing human beings.

Some bishops argue that they do care about the poor while simultaneously refusing to acknowledge that poor women have the right to determine the fates of their own bodies. Bishop Murphy of Rockville Centre, N.Y. says, “we strongly oppose inclusion of abortion as part of a national health care benefit.” But he also calls healthcare “not a privilege but a right.” The glaring discrepancy is obvious, but to be fair, spotting neon contradictions and gaping holes in logic are not the Catholic church’s strong suits.

Couldn’t have put it any better myself.

Glenn Beck is annoying

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Glenn Beck needs to stop thinking he’s William Wallace from Braveheart. He always looks like he’s on the edge of tears for absolutely no reason. It must be a sad time to be a Republican if they gravitate towards such a fat and annoying crybaby. Your whinny, desperate speeches only inspire the delusional or stupid, Glenn.

Another terrible article from Father de Souza

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I hate the National Post. It was started by Conrad Black, who is undoubtedly one of Canada’s biggest scum bags. He wanted to start a newspaper to reflect the conservative attitudes of some Canadians. It’s the equivalent of Fox News here in the Great White North, with all the integrity you would expect from such a publication.

One of their regular contributors is Father Raymond J. de Souza. I’ve written a few articles about the nonsense he’s published, but this one sure beats the cake: His latest article is entitled “Why Priests Don’t Have Kids“, and de Souza seems convinced that the reasoning behind it is for men of God to be able to purify themselves in anticipation of the next life.

Father de Souza is convinced priests are supposed to emulate and follow the examples of Jesus, which is what I also thought before I did a little research of my own. It’s true, according to the Bible, Jesus had no children. In fact, throughout the Gospel, Jesus suggests his disciples and followers abandon their jobs and families in order to follow him. In his eyes, the rebirth of the Kingdom of God was at hand, so there was no need to do anything more than prepare for End Times (he told his followers he would return before anyone of them would perish, a promise he unsurprisingly never fulfilled).

The actual reason why Catholic priests can’t marry, however, has little to do with the life of their Messiah. It’s entirely because of money. Before the 11th century, it was not uncommon for priests to have wives and children, but as these kids grew up, their fathers would have to leave them an inheritance, and this redistribution of resources was costing the Church dearly. In 1139, the Second Lateran Council forbade the marriage of priests altogether and declared all existing marriages involving priests null and void, (these voided marriages simply turned their spouses into concubines). The Council of Trent in the 1500′s would officially make celibacy the norm, and from there, it was easy to sell the idea that it was somehow more devotional and pure, since Catholics view human nature as inherently sinful. You were devoted to the institution when you joined, and not towards family loyalties.

Yet this priest seems to be totally unaware of the political and financial reasoning behind celibacy, thinking instead that the amount of time and devotion he requires would not allow him to be a good father. That doesn’t seem to have stopped any priests in other Christian faiths from managing both. But then again, Catholics are so busy telling people they are terrible and evil sinners that perhaps it’s best they don’t have children anyways.

I’ll let Father de Souza explain in his own words the value of his celibacy:

The priest, and others in consecrated celibacy, lives now as a sign of the world to come, with his life fixed upon the promise of the eternal fulfillment God provides. In freely renouncing the great good of married life and children, the priest points to the world to come. Indeed, without the world to come, the celibacy of the priest would make little sense.

You’re right about one thing, Father. It makes very little fucking sense.

Warning: this is painful to watch

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If you don’t know anything about evolution, it’s usually a good idea to do a little research before talking about it, especially if you think it’s wrong. Here’s a video from some douche who fancies himself both wise and hilarious; sadly he is neither. At first I was hoping he was one of the good guys, but as it turns out, this budget Ryan Seacrest seems to think both Intelligent Design and Evolution are unscientific. It’s a pretty bold claim for a scientist to make. Good thing he isn’t one.

Personally, I find these mindless idiots rather irritating and exasperating. No, evolution isn’t about “improvements”, and no, species don’t become increasingly better as time progresses. Evolution isn’t a progression of ever increasing complexity; it’s actually more like a tree, with species branching off (typically because a group becomes genetically isolated for an extended period of time), and slowly changing to better adapt to its environment. If this jackass would simply sit down and try reading a book rather than film himself saying stupid shit, he might actually learn something.

I actually have an idea for you buddy; if you don’t think evolution has ever been proven, then why not submit your idea to a scientific journal, citing all your facts and research to prove your point. If you’re right, a Nobel prize and handsome stipend will be your reward. It sure beats trying to become rich and successful making a series of unfunny and uninformative videos, don’t you think?

Pakistan getting crazier every day

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It isn’t good news that a nation with nuclear capabilities is slowly becoming a fundamentalist theocracy. Here is a disturbing article in the Guardian about how the growing intolerance of Muslims in Pakistan is having deadly consequences. A few weeks ago, I reported on a group of Christians who were attacked for allegedly defacing the Koran. Their homes were set on fire with them still inside, killing 9 in the process. Investigators believe the real motivation behind the attacks was actually a land grab, and the organizers were in fact working for an unscrupulous local businessman.

These Muslim extremists are also busy trying to fill young people with hate propaganda:

Under Zia [former dictator of Pakistan], school textbooks were purged of any positive reference to minorities or Muslim traditions considered too pagan. Students were taught that Pakistan was a global vanguard of Sunni Islam forever threatened by Hindus, Jews and western imperialists. Pakistan’s penal code was amended to make blasphemy against Islam, including desecration of the Qur’an, a crime under strict penalties including life imprisonment to death. The Hudood Ordinance left millions of victims of rape exposed to the new crime of adultery while the testimony of non-Muslims was judged to be half the value of a Muslim.

Fundamentalists are easy to control and manipulate (since their own mental framework is entirely predictable and simple), and there is no better way to entice people to violence than through religion. It’s no secret that blind faith is a powerful political tool; politicians have known about this fact for centuries (if not more). I shudder to think what’s next for Pakistan. Will it become the next Afghanistan, or the next Turkey?

The author of the article offers a glimmer of hope; religiously motivated attacks are still being condemned, but I see no reason to believe the secularists will win in the long run. When your opposition is prone to acts of violence, how can reason hope to prevail?

Wow, this guy really hates gays

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Before my buddy Jeff came out of the closet, he was a homophobe. I never really understood why, but later he explained to me that it had to do with his secret loathing of himself because of his sexual attraction to other men. I’ve never had to deal with such a powerful internal conflict, but when I sat down and really thought about it, it made perfect sense. This kind of phenomenon is well known in the gay community; in fact, they see extreme homophobia as being one of the first signs that someone is secretly in the closet. It’s called “Internalized Homophobia“.

With that in mind, here’s my candidate for closeted homosexual of the month: Steven L. Anderson of the Faithful Word Baptist Church. Steven went on a bit of a tirade against gays recently, and apart from saying homosexuals should be executed for the crime of sodomy (he seems unaware that a significant portion of gay men actually don’t like anal sex), he also believes their sin is spreading like wildfire. I’ll let him tell you how he really feels about the whole thing:

You want to know who the biggest hypocrite in the world is? The biggest hypocrite in the world is the person who believes in the death penalty for murderers and not for homosexuals.

He also apparently feels that gay men are multiplying:

How are they multiplying? Do you not see that they’re multiplying? Are you that blind? Have you noticed that there’s more than there were last year and the year before, and the year before that? How are they multiplying? They’re reproducing right? No, here’s a biology lesson: they’re not reproducers, they’re recruiters! And you know who they’re after? Your children. Remember you dropped off your kids last week? That’s who they’re after. You drop them off at some daycare, you drop them off at some school somewhere, you don’t know where they’re at. I’ll tell you where they’re at: they’re being recruited by the sodomites. They’re being molested by the sodomites. I can tell you so many stories about people that I know being molested and recruited by the sodomites.

And here I thought kids were usually just going to school to learn, but Steven believes that gay men are raping and molesting children, who in turn switch over to the other side. Well, if that was true, then every women who’s ever been raped would become a rapist herself, but I guess that doesn’t fit his specific predjudice at all.

They recruit through rape. They recruit through molestation. They recruit through violation. They are infecting our society. They are spreading their disease. It’s not a physical disease, it’s a sin disease, it’s a wicked, filthy sin disease and it’s spreading on a rampage. Can’t you see that it’s spreading on a rampage? I mean, can you not see that? Can you not see that it’s just exploding in growth? Why? Because each sodomite recruits far more than one other sodomite because his whole life is about recruiting other sodomites, his whole life is about violating and hurting people and molesting ‘em.

Now I hate to make pronunciations on people I know very little, but after listening to the recording this was actually transcribed from, I can’t help but feel he’s not showing all his cards. Steven, I know that you think they are trying to recruit you, but your physical attraction to men isn’t because of anything they do (unless they are wearing hot pants I suppose) or a test of faith from God. It’s just your biology, so go out there and go enjoy your new life as a gay man. I’m sure you’ll fucking LOVE it.

The Good Atheist Podcast: EP 084

This week, Ryan and I discuss the rather hilarious appearance of Brad Pitt on Real Time with Bill Maher, and we also discuss the irrational and silly idea that Dec. 21, 2012 is the supposed ‘End of the World’.

The Good Atheist
The Good Atheist
The Good Atheist Podcast: EP 084
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Cool video on the Big Bang

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It’s always really cool to see talented people making videos promoting science for no other reason other than “science rocks”. It sure does.

No, New Atheism isn’t fundamentalist

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I am sick and tired of every wannabe journalist with nothing interesting to write about making pronunciations on things they don’t really understand. Today’s annoying article comes from Rob Dreher at twincities.com, where his article entitled “You don’t have to be religious to be a fundamentalist” argues that many atheists display characteristics of religious fundamentalism.

As you’ve probably guessed, he brings up Nazis and Communism as proofs atheism can be just as deadly as religion. These tired claims have already been dealt with in some of my other articles, and the only response I have towards these accusations is this: how does a lack of belief in God lead human beings to commit atrocities? It’s fairly obvious people will kill one another if they want REGARDLESS of religious belief. Yes, humans can be savage, cruel, and even monstrous. Does anyone naively think if Stalin had been a Christian, he wouldn’t have been as cruel a despot?

I’m also tired of people claiming science and religion somehow don’t conflict. Science is a way of understanding the natural world, while religion is a way of denying physical reality in favor of mythology and wishful thinking. In the US, we’ve seen the sort of impact belief has on scientific progress; you don’t see a lot of other industrialized countries having debates over evolution.

I obviously realize for some, superstitious belief seems hardwired in our brains, but this idea is easily refuted by the fact a significant portion of the world is composed of non-believers (there are roughly 1 billion of us. Surprising, no?). Sure, when we are uneducated, we are bound to believe in primitive myths, but luckily over the centuries we’ve devised ways of understanding the natural world without the need to rely on supernatural forces. We call this technique science, and the results have so far been amazing. You live twice as long as your ancestors did because of advances in our understanding of the world. Now that we’ve grown accustomed to all the benefits of science, we take it for granted. Therefore, there will always be plenty of morons who feel their specific religion must somehow be greater (since it gives some a “purpose” in their lives), even though the only thing they seem very good at is taking people’s money and shunning, excluding, or sometimes even killing those who don’t believe in the same myths. Yeah, religion sure is awesome…