I think I may have found the most obnoxious book in the whole world: Paul Zane Pilzer’s God Wants You to be Rich. Pilzer is convinced there is no such thing as scarcity, and everyone, given enough gumption and hard work, can achieve great financial success.

Pilzer exposes the key error–the belief in scarcity–that leads to a misunderstanding of the process of creating wealth.  Countering this zero-sum view of economics, Pilzer shows how a society’s wealth is determined not by the supply of physical resources, which are supposedly limited, but by human ingenuity, which constantly redefines what counts as a resource in the first place.

Say what? Never mind the fact that if the rest of the world lived like we did, we would need the resources of three Earths to sustain ourselves; the answer lies in human ingenuity! Don’t worry about the future, or about wasteful consumerism; human cleverness will save the day! Did I mention how much I hate lying douchebags who claim there’s no such thing as scarcity?

The book was written in the 90′s, and if you are old enough to remember this decade, you’ll recall “network marketing” (another word for a pyramid scheme) was the latest money making trend. A bunch of very naive people (myself included) fell for the allure of easy money. What we ended up with was an empty bank account and a stupefied look on our faces. When you think about it, it’s sounds much like going to church.

I think fingerprinting people is kind of paranoid and ridiculous, but I never thought anyone would be against it on religious grounds. Guess I’m an idiot. Pam McLaurin is an evangelical Christian who takes her Book of Revelation pretty fucking seriously. She thinks by having her fingerprints in a database, she’ll be cursed and marked for eternal damnation. She filed a lawsuit against Texas Education Agency (who will fire her if she doesn’t comply with their policy), citing religious discrimination. Check out one of the passages she put in the brief:

He causes all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hand and on their foreheads, and that no one may buy or sell except one who has the mark or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.… Then a third angel followed them saying with a loud voice — if anyone worships the beast and his image and receives his mark on his forehead or on his hand he himself shall also drink of the wine of the wrath of God.… He shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels and in the presence of the Lamb.

It’s some pretty scary shit when you think about it. Has no one really considered the possibility St. John was totally batshit crazy when he wrote it? Actually, Thomas Jefferson sure thought so, as did Martin Luther. I have to shake my head in disbelief that some people can take the insane rantings of a lunatic seriously (and when I say some, I mean millions of people). Fuck, I need to go grab a drink (or twelve).

Remember how Jimmy Carter quit his Baptist faith because he said they were getting way too hardcore for him? Continuing their fine tradition of being crazy fuckers, a small Baptist Church near Asheville, NC is having a Halloween book burning BBQ, complete with food, music, and reading materials; all of it scheduled to be grilled to perfection.

Pastor Marc Grizzard seems like a totally reasonable guy, believing the King James Bible is the only true interpretation of the Bible, despite being written in 1611 by the Church of England (before then, everyone had a wrong copy I have to assume). I guess to a crazy, uneducated white guy, the Bible HAS to be in English, or it’s a bust.

They also seem to think that any other version is actually the work of the devil, so their little bonfire is their way of showing everyone just how reasonable and level headed they all are. That, or they are just a bunch of white trash morons who think everything that expands your mind is connected to Satan. Why don’t you guys progress out of the 18th century and come join us at the grown up table, ok?

You have to love Christian apologetics. These are the guys who dedicate their lives trying to explain away all the stupid, awful, or just plain terrible stuff from the Bible. The Christian Apologetics & Research Ministry is the saddest example of the need many Christians have of a supposedly rational world view. The site dedicates itself to trying to prove the Bible is consistent and truthful, which is about as fruitful as trying to prove  rainbows really DO have a pot of gold on the other side.

Here is CARM’s mandate directly from their website:

Why this site? – To equip Christians with the truth, to expose the error of false religious systems, evolution, to teach apologetics, help Christians defend the faith, and to glorify the Lord Jesus.

They have a section on atheists (which is relatively harmless and amusing), but the crown jewel of the site has to be the gargantuan effort of trying to prove that the story of Noah’s Ark in Genesis was a literal event. The author decides to try and “scientifically” break down the distribution of all the various species to prove it would be possible to hold all these animals on just one boat. It’s like trying to fit an entire bag of marshmallows in your mouth; even if you can do it, who the fuck cares?

I’ll start by telling you that the article, though attempting to be fair, bungles up the numbers right away. The author places the amount of different insects species at about 850,000, which is only off the mark by roughly 6-10 million. He grossly underestimates the amount of mammalian and avian species currently known (ignoring all the ones we actually haven’t discovered yet), and fails to explain something as simple as their “redistribution” after the flood (**note** I wrote that marsupials were found only in Australia, but I was mistaken. They may have originated in Southeast Asia, but the point is still the same).

Of course the most obvious question (other than “are you an idiot, sir?”), is “how did all these wild animals not eat each other? It’s kind of what they do. OK, Mr. Science man, tell us how they did it:

It should also be considered that many animals can hibernate. Additionally, predators and prey have been known to live peacefully together during situations of stress like fire, flood, or earthquake. In the Ark, animal behavior probably would have been different from normal daily life. Specialists in animal behavior have noted that animals can sense danger and have often migrated to escape it. Perhaps God used their migratory instincts to get them to the Ark.

Though this is only a brief analysis, it should present enough evidence that the Ark account is certainly within the realm of possibility.

Replace brief with ridiculous, and we’re in complete agreement, buddy.

I feel like this painting is like one of those hilarious “spot the fallacy” kind of games, so I thought it might be fun to try and point out as many hilarious flaws present in this shitty painting. Feel free to add to the list in the comments:

#1. Jesus did not invent the Constitution. It’s no small irony that most of the Founding Fathers were deists.
#2. Supreme Court Judges are apparently crybabies.
#3. The painter has a huge boner for soldiers. There are over 8 different types of military personnel.
#4. Ronald Regan gets more face time than the majority of the founding fathers.
#5. They included Thomas Paine in there, despite the fact that he wrote a book destroying Christianity.
#6. No visible signs of slavery or racism here. All the black people look pretty happy about the fact that these same dutiful Christians enslaved them for a few hundred years, all inspired by the Bible!
#7. Satan is hanging out with the University Professor, “Mr. Hollywood”, the Liberal Media, and Lawyers (ok, that one is more fair). Also, Alexander Hamilton appears to be the only founding father to spot Satan, and he looks pretty calm about the whole thing.
#8. The only visible immigrant (Chinese perhaps) is cowering before the shiny head of Jesus
#9. Even a little kid can see that Jesus’ name does not appear in the Constitution, nor is his signature there.

Man, people get gushy when kids are involved. It seems as though the mere sight of these little creatures is enough to send us into irrational fits. How else can you explain this ridiculous article which claims there are no atheists in birthing centers. The author, Peter Heck, is your run of the mill conservative who believes the usual “America is a Christian nation” rhetoric that is so popular nowadays.

Now Peter seems to me to be a kind of educated idiot; a person who devotes all of his time and energy trying in vain to defend ideas and opinions that have no basis in reality. His article is the standard “life is so amazing it must be designed by God” fare, and he isn’t saying anything new in his shitty article.

The reason I thought it was so hilarious is he’s quite obviously wrong; there are plenty of atheists in birthing centers. If he bothered to talk to a few of them, he would discover there is no need to believe in a God to be in awe over the whole process. I’m glad Peter is so happy to have kids, but it certainly doesn’t mean his ideological convictions are correct.

Ok, the title of my article is a little inflammatory, but how else can you describe a concentrated effort on the part of the Illinois Family Institute to get Friendly Atheist Hemant Mehta fired from his job as a high school math teacher? Sounds like an attack to me.

IFL director Laurie Higgins is on a crusade to get the school faculty to punish him for writing an atheist blog on his free time, even though it plays no part in his teaching life. I won’t pretend to know all the details (go to his site for that), but I thought it might be fun to put up some choice quotes from the whole affair:

…even if Mr. Mehta does not view his math classes as opportunities to proselytize, there still remains the fact that he is a role model and he regularly engages in very public discourse on very controversial topics. For many parents, views on homosexuality and belief in God are two of life’s most important issues — issues that are critical to both civilized and eternal life.

I personally think the elimination of hunger and suffering in the world are more important issues, but what do I know, I’m just a godless heathen! Also, if that statement wasn’t ignorant enough for you, here is a classic one that should be put on a trophy for “worst analogy ever made by a retarded Christian”

Many parents would recoil at having their children spend a school year under the tutelage of a teacher — particularly a charismatic teacher — who in his or her free time blogs favorably about racism and travels the length and breadth of the country preaching racism. Similarly, some parents may recoil at having their children spend a year under the tutelage of a teacher who spends his free time blogging favorably about atheism and homosexuality and traveling the length and breadth of the country preaching favorably about atheism.

So, let me get this straight: Hemant’s blogging on issues of gay rights and atheism is racist? This from a woman who has compared homosexuals to Nazis? Do these morons ever listen to the delicious irony that sometimes spills out of their ignorant mouths? If it’s any comfort Hemant, she did call you charismatic at least…

Here’s an interesting new little “movement” that might interest some of you guys. It’s called the “Free Money Movement“, which admittedly is a little less awesome than the name suggests. The idea is to cross out the words “in God We Trust” from all US currency as an act of civil disobedience. As many of you may already know, the addition of this phrase is a relatively new phenomenon; Congress only made the motto “official” in 1956. It’s clearly a violation of the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment, but the Supreme Court in their infinite wisdom, declared Government recognition of God does not constitute the establishment of a state church. Right, and including it in the pledge of allegiance must also not violate the establishment clause, right?

It’s supposed to be a federal offense to deface money, but from everything I’ve read, no one has ever been arrested for this act of defiance (presumably because of the degree of press it would generate). The debate about the use of God on American Currency needs be re-opened. For a country that prides itself on the separation of church and state, this motto is an insult to your Constitution, to your Founding Fathers, and is generally an embarrassment. There might be more important issues to tackle, but I’m always up for a little social upheaval. Bring on the Sharpies, people!