I should probably be resigned to the fact Chuck Norris is insane and leave it at that. Unfortunately, his cult like status in society, helped largely by “Chuck Norris facts” which were an Internet phenomenon, seems to allow him a soapbox to preach his insane gospel.

His latest tirade is directed against President Obama, who he feels has failed to put enough emphasis on Jesus during Christmas time. It seems that unless you are telling everyone Jesus is the Lord of the Universe every ten seconds, you’ve failed as a President.

As with many of you, I still remember a day even in Washington when Christ was central to Christmas. It was an America that was far less politically correct – an America that wasn’t afraid to stand up for its belief in the babe who was born in Bethlehem.

When was this Chuck? Presumably also back in the day when it was OK for black people to have their own drinking fountains too, eh? Norris likes to point to the fact that George Washington and Thomas Jefferson loved Christmas, which he believes means they must have loved Jesus as well. He’s blind to the fact Jefferson was accused by his opponents of being an atheist, and Washington, well, his parties seemed to be a lot more fun than the kind Chuck is probably used to. Here’s a testimony from one of his escaped slaves:

She says that the stories told of Washington’s piety and prayers, so far as she ever saw or heard while she was his slave, have no foundation. Card-playing and wine-drinking were the business at his parties, and he had more of such company Sundays than on any other day.

I’m sure in his mind, the Founding Fathers were men of God. He believes this because he needs it to be true (how devastating would it be if he ever admitted many founding fathers had a disdain for religion?); he’s not a particularly smart man, and the concept of intellectual integrity is no match for his roundhouse kicks!

Before he can become “President of Texas”, Chuck Norris is on an anti-abortion campaign. He regularly blogs for the ultra conservative World Net Daily, and reading his posts is an exercise in both patience and a form of torture in some countries.

In his latest opus, Chucky takes on health care reform, lambasting Democrats for trying to provide abortion services to women in need. He’s not cool with that idea, since he argues if the Virgin Mary had access to such a system, baby Jesus would have never been born:

Lastly, as we sit on the eve of another Christmas, I wonder: What would have happened if Mother Mary were covered by Obamacare? What if that young, poor uninsured teenaged[sic] woman were provided the federal funds (via Obamacare) and facilities (via Planned Parenthood, etc.) to avoid the ridicule, ostracizing, persecution and possible stoning because of her out-of-wedlock pregnancy?

Actually, I rather like this question: here Chuck is introducing us to a moral dilemma that he seems blindly unaware of: what should a woman do if her life is threatened by a pregnancy (this being the fucking Bronze Age, the penalty was indeed stoning for being pregnant out of wedlock. Wow, what a moral bunch)? In Chuck’s world, you have the baby, no matter how dangerous such a propositions is for the both of you. Don’t like it? Too fucking bad.

Norris isn’t a particularly educated man, so I have to believe he has no idea the human body regularly aborts pregnancies if complications arise. It’s why until month three of your pregnancy, it’s best to be cautiously optimistic about the whole thing. But hey, if you’re not convinced all abortions are bad, that’s because you haven’t heard the best part of his wishy-washy philosophy of the consequences of legalized abortion:

Imagine all the great souls who could have been erased from history and the influence of mankind, if only they too would have been as progressive as Washington’s wise men and women!

If you can use that stupid reasoning, couldn’t this world also have been spared a few headaches if Stalin or Hitler had been operated on? Just sayin’.

If you’ve never heard of the not-so-secret-anymore “Family”, I might suggest you look them up before continuing to read this post. In a nutshell, these guys are a group of powerful and influential individuals who believe the true message of Christianity isn’t about charity, forgiveness or any of the other typical conventions; they covet power, and believe firmly that Jesus came to Earth to take over, not pick sides. They’re essentially the worst nightmare of any secularist, since many of these members are currently in government.

Jeff Sharlet, the guy who exposed this secret organization in his best seller: The Family: The Secret Fundamentalism at the Heart of American Power, was doing a little digging and found the Family is behind a proposed bill in Uganda that would make Homosexuality a crime punishable by death. The so called crime of “aggravated homosexuality” even includes punishment for not indicating to authorities suspected gay activity. It’s essentially one of the worst human rights offenses in recent memory, and it’s expected to pass.

The list of scumbags who are supporting this bill include adulterer Mark Sanford (hey, isn’t adultery a crime punishable by death in the Old Testament?), Sen. Sam Brownback (who supports the Discovery Institute and is a creationist), Sen. Jim DeMint (who wants abortions to be illegal, even if the mother’s life is at risk), Sen. Chuck Grassley (who claimed that Americans need to fear government “death panels”, despite him being a part of that same government ), Sen. John Thune (who supported the invasion of Iraq as a way of getting Christianity in there), and Sen. Joe Pitts (the co-founder of the amendment to the health care reform bill that would make it so abortions wouldn’t be covered). That’s just the tip of the iceberg, I’m sure.

How insane is it that they are allowed to do this? Where is the outrage from everyone? I feel a deafening silence from the American public who elected these jerkoffs. Regardless of how you feel about the “homosexual lifestyle” (a term I have come to revile), you cannot sit idly by as members of your own government seek to facilitate the murder and torture of other human beings. Even the very existence of this secret organization violates the principles outlined in your Constitution. Do something about it, people, before it’s too late.

Remember how I wrote about all those kids who died because their ignorant parents preferred to pray for them to get better rather than call a real doctor? Well, it appears a couple senators are trying to include a provision to the healthcare bill that would require insurers to cover Christian Science prayer as a legitimate medical expense.

The Church of Christ, Scientist has its headquarters in Massachusetts, and it received support from Sen. John Kerry (remember that boring ass Democrat?), and the late Ted Kennedy. So if you think this is party politics, recognize the fact that so long as an annoying religious group has enough money, just about any fucking senator is up for sale.

During the day, Davis may see multiple patients and pray for them at different moments. He charges them $20 to $40 for the day, saying, “I think that it would be considered modest by any standard.”

It sounds like a pretty sweet racket, honestly. These Christian Scientists charge between 20-40 dollars a day for praying per person, and they probably go through a lot of patients suckers a day. I mean, how much prayer can one man do per day? If they can insert themselves into the healthcare bill, who knows how much cash they would be raking in. I feel like a dick asking for the same amount per year for recording a bunch of podcasts. That’s a lot of work compared to a guy that puts his hands together and begs God to stop the cancer that is rotting you from the inside (the same cancer He put there with his divine Will).

If these fucking assholes get their way, who knows how many other of these con artists will try and receive funding for their make-believe therapies. Are we going to have crystal practitioners complain they aren’t allowed to charge people to put differently colored rocks on people’s heads? What about Iridologists who think they can diagnose disease by looking into your eyes?

Any of you Americans hopeful that health care reform is going to happen, you have to accept the hard reality that your politicians are entirely in the pocket of big business and big religion. The fact that Christian Scientists, who actively discourage their members from seeking medical attention for serious illness, are being inserted like this despite their insanity proves that no one is really interested in the health of Americans. Is it too early to say you’re all fucked?

The law scares me. It’s not because I think justice is impossible, or I’ll somehow end up victimized by it. However, there is always a moment in our lives when we may run up against it, and if such a moment ever arose for me, I am utterly terrified at the prospect of being judged by a jury of my peers. Reading stories like this one reminds me only a small minority of people actually bother using their logical minds when trying to decide something as important as a man’s fate.

In 1999, Kristian Oliver was found guilty of bludgeoning an elderly man to death during a botched robbery. When it came time for the jury to decide his fate, a number of them decided to consult the Bible (specifically the Book of Numbers) for guidance. One of the jurors, Donna Matheny, had highlighted this passage:

And if he smite him with an instrument of iron, so that he die, he is a murderer: the murderer shall surely be put to death.

10 years later and Oliver’s lawyer is still trying to get the sentence overturned, arguing the Bible had no place in the jury room during deliberation. But because this is fucking Texas, a judge found insufficient evidence that the Bible significantly influenced the jury’s decision. Of course, this same judge also strictly forbade Oliver’s lawyer from directly asking jurors if the Bible had been used to influence their ruling, so how anything was properly determined, I have no idea.

So if you live in Texas and you don’t believe in God, do everything in your power to avoid being involved in the legal system. You’re likely to get totally fucked over by a bunch of Neanderthals who think the Bible is an instrument of law. This is the same book that commands you stone your children to death if you catch them swearing.  Feeling terrified yet?

You keep hearing America is a divided nation. What that means is a certain portion of the population still believes homosexuals should be beaten or killed, the Government should be ruled as a theocracy, and only free market principles can help take care of people’s health issues (it’s been working great so far, right?).

Legislators in America have been attempting to get hate laws amended to include homosexuals, but so far, they’ve met with fierce opposition. House Minority Leader John Boehner says only “immutable characteristics” should be included in hate laws. This means he believes religion is something you are born with, but not homosexuality. That, according to him, is entirely a choice.

Yeah, it’s quite clearly a choice, John. I’m sure this guy, who was savagely beaten by two men (one of which has a tattoo of Leviticus 18:22), chose to be gay. The attackers are also claiming it was completely justified, saying that Jack Price (the victim) had “come on to them”.

What is frustrating here is that no one is calling out these people for the bigoted pieces of shit they really are. Boner Boehner gets away with his homophobic ranting because the majority of his constituents feel the same way he does. It’s time we put these kinds of people to shame; there’s no other way to go about it, America. Either you do something about the fact a significant portion of your population is dangerously stupid, or these same assholes will drag you down to the Dark Ages. Is that what you really want?

There are lots of reasons to dislike Tony Blair. The fact he supported and participated in the War in Iraq already qualifies him as downright dastardly, and his growing religiosity is becoming a matter of serious concern. He’s made no bones about trying to be President of the European Council, and considering Europe is largely secular, his recent statements should alarm any atheist or agnostic living there:

We face the challenge of relevance – showing how faith can be a force for the future, for progress, that it will not fade as science, technology and material prosperity alters the way we live. We face an aggressive secular attack from without. We face the threat of extremism from within.

Those who scorn God and those who do violence in God’s name, both represent views of religion. But both offer no hope for faith in the twenty first century.

What the fuck is this asshole talking about? Is he equating sectarian violence with peaceful secular protest? Does he really believe atheism is the root of evil? This is the same man who followed religious nutbag George W. Bush into Babylon, claiming the lives of hundreds of thousands of Iraqis; and for what? Oil? Yeah, the secular left who opposed this tragedy of a war must be the bad guys. Can’t you just see us strapping ourselves to explosives and murdering innocent civilians all in the name of no God? I wonder what that would look like…

I find it strange that Christians believe their religion gives them moral superiority over others. In their deluded minds, they believe the Bible and the teachings of Jesus Christ are the foundations of our modern (ethical) society. Never mind the fact the same book was used to justify all kinds of atrocities, from genocides to slavery; that was ages ago! Those people weren’t real Christians, and there’s no way anyone reading the Bible could possibly get it wrong, right?

Here’s an interesting article from a person of faith deriding the slew of preachers who have prayed publicly for the death of President Obama. The author believes these acts of barbarism set a dangerous and deadly precedent, and their religion is vulnerable to manipulation of the few relative extremists who use their pulpit to promote their bigotry and racism.

I agree that these kinds of preachers need to be stopped, but her solution to this problem, prayer, is quite literally the most useless thing anyone can do. I understand her frustration. It’s quite impossible for Christians to properly put their extremist factions in their place; after all, fundamentalists rely on a literal approach to reading the Bible. Theological arguments can’t be settled because they aren’t based on anything real or objective. While it’s nice to know there are plenty of Christians who find this kind of hate speech aberrant, we seriously need them to do more than just pray. You people are aware that it doesn’t do shit, right?

If you’re not British, you might not really care what Tony Blair is up to. After all, as far as the rest of the world is concerned, we regard the man as nothing more than a puppet of the Bush administration (Nelson Mandela famously described him as “the US foreign minister“). Most Brits tend to believe that his actions and policies granted more police powers and eroded their civil liberties. Everyone I’ve ever talked to unanimously agreed that he’s a giant dick.

Like most retired politicians, he’s in legacy mode, and wants people to remember him as more than just Dubya’s puppet. He’s started an organization called “The Tony Blair Faith Foundation”, whose mandate is to:

…promote respect and understanding about the world’s major religions and show how faith is a powerful force for good in the modern world.

Even if Tony has good intentions with this foundation, he’s completely out of his depth here. All he can do is attract religious institutions that are already interested in peaceful dialog, and nothing more. Blair’s history in the Middle East is a liability more than it’s an asset. How are Muslims in Bagdad supposed to react to Blair’s words of peace when they have tasted so much of his sword?

In any case, if they truly want peace they will have to do more than appeal to people’s “faith”. Not every religion takes a kind attitude of tolerance towards other teachings. Most religions tend to have bloody conflicts over even the most minute doctrinal differences.

The National Secular Society seems to agree with me, and stated Blair is “profoundly wrong” in imagining religion is a peacemaking tool. If it was, we’d have a very different type of world right now. If we want human beings to see one another in the same way, we need to discourage people from believing in things without evidence. We live in a world with so many interesting and fascinating answers, and yet there are still people who kill one another over their genocidal mythologies.

Tony, the best thing you can do for world peace is to find a place to lay low for the next 30-40 years. Is there any nice way to tell this douche to get the fuck out of our faces?